How's about a little amusement to kick start the evening?
I tried mugging an old aged pensioner yesterday.
I said, "Give me all your money now, bitch, or you're geography."
"Don't you mean history?" she replied.
I said, "Don't try to change the subject."
Sickipedia.org, the one stop shop for all your jokes. Although a some are there are even a little bit risky for myself.
Lifes quietened down a bit now, thank the lord. Works proving to be a fun challenge...if fun can be attributed to work. But it gives me a chance to go full whack at something, all i need now is a football match to shout and scream at, or a good game of tennis or something. Im no where near fit enough to play football anymore. It really shit me up a bit last time. 5 minutes in to the game, im out of breath. Christ, I need to do some training!
Stress, tiredness and anxiety are mixing together to make me feel a little shite and tight chested and are making my left eye lid flicker every now and then, which makes me giggle as it tickles. IN THE EYE. Which is quite an odd experience.
The weekend was spent shopping on Oxford Street and that area about that place. All the lovely side shops and the really ace music shop that had a really nice guitar in it. I'd learn to play a little more if I had a working guitar I rate. But it would involve me having to go there and buy one. Then carry it back...Imagine the struggle that might be...Picadilly station, carrying a guitar, what if someone expects me to busk? I'd be a shit busker. I'd sing morbid songs and punk and just blatantly scream at everyone and sing anti establishment songs at the suited and booted. BECAUSE I CAN.
I did have loads of great ideas and things to write tonight, songs, poems, stories and everything really. But I've gone and forgot them all. My minds too full of memories and my past right now. Time for sleep...
Monday 8 December 2008
Monday 24 November 2008
Why don't you take your social regulations, shove them up your arse
God bless them Dead Kennedys.
Why do swans look so gracefull and awesome when they're swimming and everything but as soon as they take to the skies its "PANIC!?" The look in their eyes is one of constant fear and they lumber around like a fatty in a cake shop being harrassed by a team of midgets with trip wires.
I like the way we call bus shelters, bus shelters. We should really just leave it as bus stops, because we already have homeless shelters, so its kind of odd that we'd have a shelter...for busses, athough they're not for busses they are for people. I do like the idea of a place for vagrant busses, and the visions of them all sitting there talking about their lives
"So what happened to you?"
"Me? Oh well I used to do a sleepy route through Lancaster, but then they re-assigned me to the big city, I never did quite get with it and these new darn-fangled ways of life. You?"
"Ahhhh, well to cut a long story short my conductor left me, with only a half tank of diesel and several passengers to support...needless to say we crashed, I lost a good fender that day. I've been wandering ever since"
"Deep man...Deep"
Not that a homeless person would do such a thing, but oh well. I like the joy you feel when you give a homeless man a sandwich and a can of cheap cider. The notion of giving to a homeless person is pretty fulfilling, even if it is a cheap bottle of Strongbow. Also the feeling that they'll cherish the booze more than the sarnie is a good one.
I like the way that it's really hard to syncronise Bob Dylan's singing to other people speaking. I tried it at work today with several engineers talking at another's desk. Needless to say I thought I had it until the harmonica came in. That shit it up, I wonder what an engineers equivalent of a harmonica is? Assuming they can't play a harmonica, which I'm going to purely guess in saying that most engineers don't know how to play. Oh it'd be so ace if they were all little jazz & blues enthusiasts underneath it all. The Quantity Surveyors would well be bass guitar, keeping the shit humming over nice and smoothly. The execs would be the guitars, showing off. The cleaners would have to be tambourines.
I wish there was such thing as a human tambourine. Like when you wrap a towel around your waist and then spread your legs apart...A lá kilt...and then drum on the taught towel. Although you would need some sort of tambourine style mini-symbols surgeried into your sides. That may be painful, but it'd well be the ultimate body modification this side of having another arse grafted to your chest. Arse-Chest, the worlds biggest surprise...WHERE WILL HE SHIT FROM NEXT?!!??!?!?! I am assuming Arse-Chest Man's second arse functions in much the same way as his natural arse.
Is it possibly to breed a person with a giant arse? It'd be so great for kicking. I like to believe that we are all born with a certain set amount of pride when we're born, and as we get older it dwindles until eventually when we have lost all control of our bladders in public situations we may have none left. I like how a baby would not know this and then commits a series of stupid things that would lower its pride level normally, but do not considering you would have to make a special exception for a baby as its too young to think fully. Speaking of pride, I like how manliness walks hand in hand with it. I love how if I accidently lose my bearings on a tube and get off at the wrong stop but know its the wrong stop as I step off, I will not step back on for fear of humiliation. I would rather cut my own arse off and drink its juices. Instead I opt to move to the opposite platform before hurrying back after the train and anyone who knows of my existence can no longer be seen.
I like randy male pigeons who make their necks massive and fat and then chase the females around. I'd much prefer it if we could do such things in the human world.
"Oi, my neck is a lot fatter than yours, I demand your wife as a result of this fortunate trait"
"Ahhh well, uhhhh, I bet your expenses on scarfs is through the roof"
*breaksdown*
...such if the trauma of living with a fat neck. Poor randy pigeons, scarfs are an expensive luxury for them. Remember this you trendy bastards that wear scarfs in beginning of Autumn, thing of those poor randy pigeons, beady eyed, shitting everywhere, necks too fat for a scarf.
I read the line "beady eyed" as beardy eyed. Which sounds so much better. To have a beardy eye would be an awesome item to have on oneself. So many blind people would come about when it is time to clip it. What would everyone do with their eye beard? Would they handlebarise the upper half and turn the bottom half into some sort of...Merciless Ming affair?
Why was Merciless Ming so useless? Kind of like those Putties out of Power Rangers, I hated that show as a kid, it was so shite. But whoever designed the Putties must have been an idiot, why put the "death spot" slap bang on its chest? That person must have designed the Death Star from Star Wars...
"So, this "Death Star" of yours, you say it has a very fragile inner core?"
"Yes, I suppose that is very true"
"So if say, something was to hit this core and break it, it'd be pretty...fatal wouldn't you say?"
"Yeah, I guess so"
"SO WHY THE COCKING SHIT DID YOU BUILD A HOLE FROM THE OUTSIDE ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO IT?"
"It...It gets so dark in there"
You have to feel sorry for the putties though. THEY CAN NEVER HUG. They can never cuddle when they fall in love, lest they wish to kill each other. They can never hug to celebrate a moment.
"Yeah! The Power Rangers are dead! High Five guys!"
*High Fives*
"I mean did yo usee the red ranger get his innards ripped out by that giant manatee that Lord Zalronsdfggsgshjjjkkkkkfdfg created, it was so ace, group hug!"
*Group death
I think it is something that people who are afraid of hugging should remember. Feel it while you can, if you were a putty, a hug would be as deadly as a rabbit that wanted a Cobra as a pet.
I'm terminally shite at anything to do with photo editing. Therefore I leave it simple these days. Unlike the text that goes alongside the picture. READ THAT EASILY YOU BASTARDS.
How do you find out about a weak spot like the one they have? I love the fact that someone could make a troop so useless that they couldn't honestly expect to win anything...ever. Kind of like the French army during the Prussian wars. They were pretty bad at winning. Despite their humungous numercial advantages.
I love shit ideas. Ideas such as:
Why do swans look so gracefull and awesome when they're swimming and everything but as soon as they take to the skies its "PANIC!?" The look in their eyes is one of constant fear and they lumber around like a fatty in a cake shop being harrassed by a team of midgets with trip wires.
I like the way we call bus shelters, bus shelters. We should really just leave it as bus stops, because we already have homeless shelters, so its kind of odd that we'd have a shelter...for busses, athough they're not for busses they are for people. I do like the idea of a place for vagrant busses, and the visions of them all sitting there talking about their lives
"So what happened to you?"
"Me? Oh well I used to do a sleepy route through Lancaster, but then they re-assigned me to the big city, I never did quite get with it and these new darn-fangled ways of life. You?"
"Ahhhh, well to cut a long story short my conductor left me, with only a half tank of diesel and several passengers to support...needless to say we crashed, I lost a good fender that day. I've been wandering ever since"
"Deep man...Deep"
Not that a homeless person would do such a thing, but oh well. I like the joy you feel when you give a homeless man a sandwich and a can of cheap cider. The notion of giving to a homeless person is pretty fulfilling, even if it is a cheap bottle of Strongbow. Also the feeling that they'll cherish the booze more than the sarnie is a good one.
I like the way that it's really hard to syncronise Bob Dylan's singing to other people speaking. I tried it at work today with several engineers talking at another's desk. Needless to say I thought I had it until the harmonica came in. That shit it up, I wonder what an engineers equivalent of a harmonica is? Assuming they can't play a harmonica, which I'm going to purely guess in saying that most engineers don't know how to play. Oh it'd be so ace if they were all little jazz & blues enthusiasts underneath it all. The Quantity Surveyors would well be bass guitar, keeping the shit humming over nice and smoothly. The execs would be the guitars, showing off. The cleaners would have to be tambourines.
I wish there was such thing as a human tambourine. Like when you wrap a towel around your waist and then spread your legs apart...A lá kilt...and then drum on the taught towel. Although you would need some sort of tambourine style mini-symbols surgeried into your sides. That may be painful, but it'd well be the ultimate body modification this side of having another arse grafted to your chest. Arse-Chest, the worlds biggest surprise...WHERE WILL HE SHIT FROM NEXT?!!??!?!?! I am assuming Arse-Chest Man's second arse functions in much the same way as his natural arse.
Is it possibly to breed a person with a giant arse? It'd be so great for kicking. I like to believe that we are all born with a certain set amount of pride when we're born, and as we get older it dwindles until eventually when we have lost all control of our bladders in public situations we may have none left. I like how a baby would not know this and then commits a series of stupid things that would lower its pride level normally, but do not considering you would have to make a special exception for a baby as its too young to think fully. Speaking of pride, I like how manliness walks hand in hand with it. I love how if I accidently lose my bearings on a tube and get off at the wrong stop but know its the wrong stop as I step off, I will not step back on for fear of humiliation. I would rather cut my own arse off and drink its juices. Instead I opt to move to the opposite platform before hurrying back after the train and anyone who knows of my existence can no longer be seen.
I like randy male pigeons who make their necks massive and fat and then chase the females around. I'd much prefer it if we could do such things in the human world.
"Oi, my neck is a lot fatter than yours, I demand your wife as a result of this fortunate trait"
"Ahhh well, uhhhh, I bet your expenses on scarfs is through the roof"
*breaksdown*
...such if the trauma of living with a fat neck. Poor randy pigeons, scarfs are an expensive luxury for them. Remember this you trendy bastards that wear scarfs in beginning of Autumn, thing of those poor randy pigeons, beady eyed, shitting everywhere, necks too fat for a scarf.
I read the line "beady eyed" as beardy eyed. Which sounds so much better. To have a beardy eye would be an awesome item to have on oneself. So many blind people would come about when it is time to clip it. What would everyone do with their eye beard? Would they handlebarise the upper half and turn the bottom half into some sort of...Merciless Ming affair?
Why was Merciless Ming so useless? Kind of like those Putties out of Power Rangers, I hated that show as a kid, it was so shite. But whoever designed the Putties must have been an idiot, why put the "death spot" slap bang on its chest? That person must have designed the Death Star from Star Wars...
"So, this "Death Star" of yours, you say it has a very fragile inner core?"
"Yes, I suppose that is very true"
"So if say, something was to hit this core and break it, it'd be pretty...fatal wouldn't you say?"
"Yeah, I guess so"
"SO WHY THE COCKING SHIT DID YOU BUILD A HOLE FROM THE OUTSIDE ALL THE WAY THROUGH TO IT?"
"It...It gets so dark in there"
You have to feel sorry for the putties though. THEY CAN NEVER HUG. They can never cuddle when they fall in love, lest they wish to kill each other. They can never hug to celebrate a moment.
"Yeah! The Power Rangers are dead! High Five guys!"
*High Fives*
"I mean did yo usee the red ranger get his innards ripped out by that giant manatee that Lord Zalronsdfggsgshjjjkkkkkfdfg created, it was so ace, group hug!"
*Group death
I think it is something that people who are afraid of hugging should remember. Feel it while you can, if you were a putty, a hug would be as deadly as a rabbit that wanted a Cobra as a pet.
I'm terminally shite at anything to do with photo editing. Therefore I leave it simple these days. Unlike the text that goes alongside the picture. READ THAT EASILY YOU BASTARDS.How do you find out about a weak spot like the one they have? I love the fact that someone could make a troop so useless that they couldn't honestly expect to win anything...ever. Kind of like the French army during the Prussian wars. They were pretty bad at winning. Despite their humungous numercial advantages.
I love shit ideas. Ideas such as:
- I know! Lets invade Russia (Hitler...Napoleon).
- Lets fill a ship so much, that it can't float (Mary Rose).
- The Ugandan Space Programme.
- Putting a recording device in the US Oval Office (*cough* Richard Nixon)
- Setting your hat on fire to keep yourself warm.
I like the thought that I hope never speak to a friend again as the last time I saw them their hat was on fire. Don't know why, it just was. I like to think that if someone asks me when the last time I saw that person, I can reply.
"Oooh, must have been a year or two ago now, their hat was on fire the last time I saw them"
This never fails to raise a smile. I like smiling. I like how its all BAM...happiness. And how such happiness and smiling can cause suspicions. A smiler is hiding something. My grandmother told me that. I dunno why. She's always smiling herself, probably because she wont turn her hearing aid on and can't hear you, so she smiles to be polite. Maybe that's what she's hiding, deafness? Either than or she's an android, send from the PAST, yes...the past and she's been sent to destroy something cute and fluffy, or a randy male pigeon. I hate how everything in films thats sci-fi-y has to come from the future. I say fuck it, send it forward from the past. I saw a well good idea for a film a few years back, I think it was Japanese. Its about going back in time with tanks and guns to fight a mongol style army. One sided you may think? NO! This olde style army has demons or some other crazy stuff on their side. I mean, c'mon, as if that is a match for a sidewinder missile straight to the face.
Must be great to move as fast as a missile. It'd make that game you play in a car really shite though. The one where you vision yourself running alongside the car and jumping over stuff or cutting down the trees and things and cutting hills and mountains and all sorts. YOU'D BE GOING FAR TO FAST TO DO THAT. I wish you could slow down or stop time. Not to enjoy a moment but to arrange people into compromising situations and positions. In a suspended animated world ruled by me, there would be many a hand on many an arse when time resumes. I'd also make sure that the world operated on the policy of old comedies where the lady would then turn around and go "COH" and then slap the bloke, right in his mutton chops. Everyone should have mutton chops.
I like how stereotypical Germans have their mutton chops and how I have a german slang book and I love the way it makes no sense whatsoever to call someone a "ball muncher" in German. Why would one want to munch balls? This would be beneficial to neither party. Unless one is a canibal, if so, why run the risk of a reprisal when eating and munching on the live balls? It'd make more sense to remove the balls.
Why do touch lamps only work when you touch them and not tap them with a nail or something else similar? Like a mouse touch pad on a laptop. A stylus simply wont work for a bloody mighty fist will. A knuckle hardly works either unless you're a fatty. Which im not. I'm reliably told that fatter people make for excellent sex, I do not know if this is true, and I probably should find out but there are so many. The choices!
Sorry, I can't quite get away from the upsetting thoughts of putties. Spare a thought for those poor bastards.
Thursday 20 November 2008
There are places I'll remember all my life
"though some have changed,
Some forever not for better,
Some have gone and some remain,
All these places have their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all"
(In My Life - The Beatles)
I didn't ever think that the Beatles could sum something up so damn well. Fair play to them, sure it is just a generalised song. But they're simply the best ones. You make your own mind up on the meaning and they seem to be attributable to your life because of it. I see it as an acknowledgement of all the brilliant people you've met and loved, but at the same time a need to move on and leave them behind. Memories are sometimes the best things to hold on to if the relationship is battered and worn.
So this is where I start again. Out with the old and in with the new. I've felt utterly rubbish the last few days, sure I've had fun, but something is missing and some parts of my life are still clinging to me when no longer want or need them. None of what I write makes sense anymore, I'd blame it on the fever I seem to have currently, also the hangover and high anxiety that feels like someone is smashing your chest in. I've no idea why the anxiety is getting more frequent and annoying, I'm not happy about something but I don't know what. Maybe it's been just a crap couple of months and I'm taking it too much to heart. The cat of 17 years dies, general health deteriorates somewhat and sleep gets worse. I feel like I'm stuck between two different mind sets.
The more outgoing, happy go lucky character that likes to get stuck in and have fun. Or the more introverted, quiet type who busies himself and gets on with things without interfering with those around him. When I was younger I was muchly the latter, but High School changed the old mentality. But was it for the better? I used to always wait for things to happen and never jump at a chance or risk anything. Doing anything took nothing. Life passes you by and you want to see some more of the action but in doing so you lose the peace of mind. Maybe I want to return to that and shut myself off from the world for a bit. I really need to do some travelling and get away from this country. I think it's definitely come to the point where I can't stand the place any longer. If any opportunities come to work abroad after uni I think I'm going to have to take them.
It probably says a lot when all you really want to do is go outside and scream from the agitation and frustration in your life. Still I know I don't have it as bad as most. I know where my career is going, I'm delighted with it. I'm seeing the bigger picture now I'm in London and I've learnt a massive amount in a few short months. But I still don't know where I want to go as a person. I want to let things go but they keep sticking there in my throat. I really don't know which way to turn. I think I really need a holiday! A day off and a weekend every now and then isn't really enough. I want 2 or 3 weeks just to do nothing of any general importance.
I think to put it all bluntly, I want to feel alive again, I want to live in bliss.
"Though I know I'll never lose affection,
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I love you more"
Some forever not for better,
Some have gone and some remain,
All these places have their moments,
With lovers and friends I still can recall,
Some are dead and some are living,
In my life I've loved them all"
(In My Life - The Beatles)
I didn't ever think that the Beatles could sum something up so damn well. Fair play to them, sure it is just a generalised song. But they're simply the best ones. You make your own mind up on the meaning and they seem to be attributable to your life because of it. I see it as an acknowledgement of all the brilliant people you've met and loved, but at the same time a need to move on and leave them behind. Memories are sometimes the best things to hold on to if the relationship is battered and worn.
So this is where I start again. Out with the old and in with the new. I've felt utterly rubbish the last few days, sure I've had fun, but something is missing and some parts of my life are still clinging to me when no longer want or need them. None of what I write makes sense anymore, I'd blame it on the fever I seem to have currently, also the hangover and high anxiety that feels like someone is smashing your chest in. I've no idea why the anxiety is getting more frequent and annoying, I'm not happy about something but I don't know what. Maybe it's been just a crap couple of months and I'm taking it too much to heart. The cat of 17 years dies, general health deteriorates somewhat and sleep gets worse. I feel like I'm stuck between two different mind sets.
The more outgoing, happy go lucky character that likes to get stuck in and have fun. Or the more introverted, quiet type who busies himself and gets on with things without interfering with those around him. When I was younger I was muchly the latter, but High School changed the old mentality. But was it for the better? I used to always wait for things to happen and never jump at a chance or risk anything. Doing anything took nothing. Life passes you by and you want to see some more of the action but in doing so you lose the peace of mind. Maybe I want to return to that and shut myself off from the world for a bit. I really need to do some travelling and get away from this country. I think it's definitely come to the point where I can't stand the place any longer. If any opportunities come to work abroad after uni I think I'm going to have to take them.
It probably says a lot when all you really want to do is go outside and scream from the agitation and frustration in your life. Still I know I don't have it as bad as most. I know where my career is going, I'm delighted with it. I'm seeing the bigger picture now I'm in London and I've learnt a massive amount in a few short months. But I still don't know where I want to go as a person. I want to let things go but they keep sticking there in my throat. I really don't know which way to turn. I think I really need a holiday! A day off and a weekend every now and then isn't really enough. I want 2 or 3 weeks just to do nothing of any general importance.
I think to put it all bluntly, I want to feel alive again, I want to live in bliss.
"Though I know I'll never lose affection,
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I love you more"
Sunday 26 October 2008
I want you more than you know
So, this weekend has been a mixed affair, the cat gets run over but somehow survives and hopefully is going to be alright... And I get to go and see a rather mad exhibition.
So Saturday comes and we still haven't decided what we want to do for the weekend. Then the suggestion comes to go to an exhibition, a games and movie fair. Description as follows.
"London MCM Expo 2008
25 Oct 2008 to 26 Oct 2008Public
London MCM Expo is the UK's No.1 consumer show for Movie, Comic, Anime, Manga & Video Games. Meet stars from TV & Film, Costume characters, play Magic The Gathering, see and play the newest and yet to be released video games. All the best Anime & Manga all in one place just for you. Take part in competitions and have a fun day out. KIDS GO FREE*"
Now, I wasn't really too fussed what I was doing so long as it was something. So I only read into it this far, (see bolded letters). Completely missing the bit in italics.
"London MCM Expo 2008 25 Oct 2008 to 26 Oct 2008PublicLondon MCM Expo is the UK's No.1 consumer show for Movie, Comic, Anime, Manga & Video Games. Meet stars from TV & Film, Costume characters, play Magic The Gathering, see and play the newest and yet to be released video games. All the best Anime & Manga all in one place just for you. Take part in competitions and have a fun day out. KIDS GO FREE*"
So halfway there on the DLR, the world most terrifying train, it never looks like someone is actually driving or generally interacting with the damn thing. And the sites of numerous nearby incomplete rail bridges and the likes is quite unnerving. But still, I start to notice a few odd characters. Okay, its public transport, there is a high likelihood of nutters being present at a given moment. However, not usually ones with cardboard swords and 'dragon-ball z' hair. At this point in time I wasn't really putting 2 and 2 together. Neither was Matt, who's idea it all was. Spreading the blame is not nearly as good as acutely assigning it to a destination! But still, to be fair it wasn't all that bad.
So we arrive and its a pretty large place. However nothing yet alerts me to any such sort of cosplay event. To those unawares to Cosplay, its a sort of...well people dress up as comic book and computer game characters etc. It can be rather hilarious when they look shite.
So we start getting nearer and in a bar along the way we notice four stormtroopers, minus hats, having a beer. Which was an excellent photo opportunity, but due to a lack of camera, this wasn't possible. Although I recently bought a camera its not with me here. Which is an arse really. Despite the Star Wars part I still hadn't cottoned onto the true nature of the event. Until, we enter that is. Somehow we didn't notice the ticket stand so proceeded to wander all of the way through to the other then of the exhibition centre.
The things I saw, fat girls dressed as Final Fantasy characters. Super Mario, Lara Croft et al. Amongst a whole host of various Anime things, I'm guessing the latter as I had no idea whatsoever to who they were. A few Batman Jokers were added in too for effect.
So its a Cosplay event, I'm staring in amazement and yelling at Matt for where he's brought me. However things get a little more bizarre...at the other end of the arena. A rather harmless event, but one when put next to a bloody cosplay event makes for a poor mix.
An Islamic gathering, complete with talks and the works. I should have picked up on this outside the venue when I saw a number of Muslim lads handing out leaflets and cards to The Joker and several Japanese girls dressed as sailors. Possibly not the best way to sell something to someone dressed the way they were. But regardless, whoever planned for these events to be on at the same time on the same day needs a bloody medal. Its what I love to see.
But what made me really laugh, but something which no one else seemed to get, was the man dressed up in a crusader outfit. I'm guessing as the guy from Assassins Creed, walking through the Islamic section. What better way than to not incite religious violence, than to walk through an Islamic expo dressed as one of Richard the Lionheart's men. Nicely done.
The world at work. What a great place.
So Saturday comes and we still haven't decided what we want to do for the weekend. Then the suggestion comes to go to an exhibition, a games and movie fair. Description as follows.
"London MCM Expo 2008
25 Oct 2008 to 26 Oct 2008Public
London MCM Expo is the UK's No.1 consumer show for Movie, Comic, Anime, Manga & Video Games. Meet stars from TV & Film, Costume characters, play Magic The Gathering, see and play the newest and yet to be released video games. All the best Anime & Manga all in one place just for you. Take part in competitions and have a fun day out. KIDS GO FREE*"
Now, I wasn't really too fussed what I was doing so long as it was something. So I only read into it this far, (see bolded letters). Completely missing the bit in italics.
"London MCM Expo 2008 25 Oct 2008 to 26 Oct 2008PublicLondon MCM Expo is the UK's No.1 consumer show for Movie, Comic, Anime, Manga & Video Games. Meet stars from TV & Film, Costume characters, play Magic The Gathering, see and play the newest and yet to be released video games. All the best Anime & Manga all in one place just for you. Take part in competitions and have a fun day out. KIDS GO FREE*"
So halfway there on the DLR, the world most terrifying train, it never looks like someone is actually driving or generally interacting with the damn thing. And the sites of numerous nearby incomplete rail bridges and the likes is quite unnerving. But still, I start to notice a few odd characters. Okay, its public transport, there is a high likelihood of nutters being present at a given moment. However, not usually ones with cardboard swords and 'dragon-ball z' hair. At this point in time I wasn't really putting 2 and 2 together. Neither was Matt, who's idea it all was. Spreading the blame is not nearly as good as acutely assigning it to a destination! But still, to be fair it wasn't all that bad.
So we arrive and its a pretty large place. However nothing yet alerts me to any such sort of cosplay event. To those unawares to Cosplay, its a sort of...well people dress up as comic book and computer game characters etc. It can be rather hilarious when they look shite.
So we start getting nearer and in a bar along the way we notice four stormtroopers, minus hats, having a beer. Which was an excellent photo opportunity, but due to a lack of camera, this wasn't possible. Although I recently bought a camera its not with me here. Which is an arse really. Despite the Star Wars part I still hadn't cottoned onto the true nature of the event. Until, we enter that is. Somehow we didn't notice the ticket stand so proceeded to wander all of the way through to the other then of the exhibition centre.
The things I saw, fat girls dressed as Final Fantasy characters. Super Mario, Lara Croft et al. Amongst a whole host of various Anime things, I'm guessing the latter as I had no idea whatsoever to who they were. A few Batman Jokers were added in too for effect.
So its a Cosplay event, I'm staring in amazement and yelling at Matt for where he's brought me. However things get a little more bizarre...at the other end of the arena. A rather harmless event, but one when put next to a bloody cosplay event makes for a poor mix.
An Islamic gathering, complete with talks and the works. I should have picked up on this outside the venue when I saw a number of Muslim lads handing out leaflets and cards to The Joker and several Japanese girls dressed as sailors. Possibly not the best way to sell something to someone dressed the way they were. But regardless, whoever planned for these events to be on at the same time on the same day needs a bloody medal. Its what I love to see.
But what made me really laugh, but something which no one else seemed to get, was the man dressed up in a crusader outfit. I'm guessing as the guy from Assassins Creed, walking through the Islamic section. What better way than to not incite religious violence, than to walk through an Islamic expo dressed as one of Richard the Lionheart's men. Nicely done.
The world at work. What a great place.
Tuesday 21 October 2008
It has all gone a bit Kerouac
Writing on the fly so to speak has never felt so damn good. The last month has shot by in a blur of naked arses, chickens, objects of desire and a sloshing of happy juice, otherwise known as Sloe Gin.
The trouble with London is that everything is so very impersonal. You see someone one day, you never see them again. However there are a select few who seem to be always there on the same commute pattern as you, but oh well. Still a way of life so impersonal doesn't really give you great chance to get to know people. I mean you see interesting faces, beautiful girls and the odd complete nutter who's talking to a wall/bottle/vision, but you never have the opportunity to get to know such folk. I'm pretty certain that the good looking girl on the tube with loads of apples in bags would be a lovely person to get to know, but after speaking on a 10 minute tube ride, you don't really seem to get anywhere, other than one liners and apple related jokes. "You must have loads of horses, well either loads of horses or one really massive, happy horse".
However there is a bonus to such an impersonal way of life. You can really screw around with people as you know they will never ever see you ever again. Or at least you can hope and pray. When riding the underground, one tends to go for the vertical bars first, these are easiest to hold (well you'd go for a seat first but there's no chance of getting a seat on the Jubilee line at half 7 in a morning). The final options are either stand with the power of your legs to fight the sway of the tube. A risky up taking if you've have a rough evening or a liquid lunch. Therefore you have to submit to all that is wrong with the world and go for the horizontal bars. Which seem so very high up, this is true for someone of a short disposition. I am one of that disposition. At 5ft 6/7, its hard to be anything else other than an arm rest to those over 6ft.
On these bars, considering my height, I do tend to look like I'm doing one half of a Nazi salute. Most tube rides wouldn't know what one is and a majority wouldn't be paying attention anyway. But it is most satisfying to then rub under your nose and stroke your tash area while holding onto that bar. Some people see it and giggle and other stare in amazement. And i know, I'll never see the bastards again.
Other than this, an impersonal lifestyle can bring about great moments to suddenly do something erratic. Staring expressions and crazed eyes being a sure-fire winner. Especially when babies and impressionable children are on the vehicle. Glaring at them "a la family guy monkey" and suddenly stopping when their mother checks to see what the matter is, is somewhat priceless. Or when reading a book, suddenly before turning the page, look up an say to whoever is watching "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!" is somewhat awesome. It makes them so uncomfortable, some smile, other stare in disbelief. This one works really well when it comes to reading a newspaper.
Dribbling. I shan't say anymore on that one.
Speaking of dribble, Selfridges is shit. There's not alot in there really. I swear half the people walking around with them little bright yellow shitfridges bags didn't buy anything more than a pencil or a bog roll. Although its a great place to pretend that you're important. "Yes, I'm looking for a a Chanel bag for my wife", "I need a Rolex that goes with my hands". The latter was a particular fave. To reject a 50k watch on grounds of it "making my hands look huge" is a highlight of my month that was.
Still, there is endless opportunity for mischievous play and pranks galore. There is little or no fear of retaliation unless you're targeting some pissed, bald headed bloke who supports Millwall. If you did that, then i suggest running being the best option.
I think i mentioned bald arses earlier, I'd go and check but i really cannot be arsed. But yeah anyways. I get into Stafford station as i was going home for weekend last, and as usual my parents are late so i had to sit around in the station and doss about in general. I might like to add that i usually go to Stoke station but due to poor road traffic and a quieter train on the Stafford route, i decided to go there. Okay it was a wonderfully quiet journey and very fast, 10 minutes fast in fact. However I get to Stafford and WHAM...oddballs, everywhere. Okay, Stoke is no heaven for the mentally secure and those unhinged in regards to sincerity and their own inhibitions. But really though, Stafford was full of nutters. People running in shouting, "where are the trains?!", others shouting at the floor such things as "WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO EH?". Its the floor mate, it will win in a fight. Even if you smash up the tiling, you've got the foundations and hardcore to get through. Assuming you beat it that badly, you've still got the small matter of a few miles of the Earths crust to think about. Lets not even discuss the mantle.
Other than that it seemed to be a loop of people. Walking out one door, re-appearing at another. Very strange, like a Laurel and Hardy sketch of every day life. One person, i swear to god had a different hat on each time. I was going to enquire, when i was completely caught off guard by a woman, no older than 20 walking around with the trousers below her arse, arse showing, not the front arse, that was secured by something or other. But my god it wasn't a pretty sight. No one else seemed to care though, not even the woman shouting at her son "JASON, GET OFF BOB THE BUILDER" poor bob the builder, he moves up and down on his digger for 50p. Such is the life of washed up children's cartoon characters. I saw Thomas the Tank Engine the other day, for 50p you could make him hump a rail track. Poor bastard.
Pah, Ive lost my train of thought now. I hope no people ever read this.
The trouble with London is that everything is so very impersonal. You see someone one day, you never see them again. However there are a select few who seem to be always there on the same commute pattern as you, but oh well. Still a way of life so impersonal doesn't really give you great chance to get to know people. I mean you see interesting faces, beautiful girls and the odd complete nutter who's talking to a wall/bottle/vision, but you never have the opportunity to get to know such folk. I'm pretty certain that the good looking girl on the tube with loads of apples in bags would be a lovely person to get to know, but after speaking on a 10 minute tube ride, you don't really seem to get anywhere, other than one liners and apple related jokes. "You must have loads of horses, well either loads of horses or one really massive, happy horse".
However there is a bonus to such an impersonal way of life. You can really screw around with people as you know they will never ever see you ever again. Or at least you can hope and pray. When riding the underground, one tends to go for the vertical bars first, these are easiest to hold (well you'd go for a seat first but there's no chance of getting a seat on the Jubilee line at half 7 in a morning). The final options are either stand with the power of your legs to fight the sway of the tube. A risky up taking if you've have a rough evening or a liquid lunch. Therefore you have to submit to all that is wrong with the world and go for the horizontal bars. Which seem so very high up, this is true for someone of a short disposition. I am one of that disposition. At 5ft 6/7, its hard to be anything else other than an arm rest to those over 6ft.
On these bars, considering my height, I do tend to look like I'm doing one half of a Nazi salute. Most tube rides wouldn't know what one is and a majority wouldn't be paying attention anyway. But it is most satisfying to then rub under your nose and stroke your tash area while holding onto that bar. Some people see it and giggle and other stare in amazement. And i know, I'll never see the bastards again.
Other than this, an impersonal lifestyle can bring about great moments to suddenly do something erratic. Staring expressions and crazed eyes being a sure-fire winner. Especially when babies and impressionable children are on the vehicle. Glaring at them "a la family guy monkey" and suddenly stopping when their mother checks to see what the matter is, is somewhat priceless. Or when reading a book, suddenly before turning the page, look up an say to whoever is watching "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!" is somewhat awesome. It makes them so uncomfortable, some smile, other stare in disbelief. This one works really well when it comes to reading a newspaper.
Dribbling. I shan't say anymore on that one.
Speaking of dribble, Selfridges is shit. There's not alot in there really. I swear half the people walking around with them little bright yellow shitfridges bags didn't buy anything more than a pencil or a bog roll. Although its a great place to pretend that you're important. "Yes, I'm looking for a a Chanel bag for my wife", "I need a Rolex that goes with my hands". The latter was a particular fave. To reject a 50k watch on grounds of it "making my hands look huge" is a highlight of my month that was.
Still, there is endless opportunity for mischievous play and pranks galore. There is little or no fear of retaliation unless you're targeting some pissed, bald headed bloke who supports Millwall. If you did that, then i suggest running being the best option.
I think i mentioned bald arses earlier, I'd go and check but i really cannot be arsed. But yeah anyways. I get into Stafford station as i was going home for weekend last, and as usual my parents are late so i had to sit around in the station and doss about in general. I might like to add that i usually go to Stoke station but due to poor road traffic and a quieter train on the Stafford route, i decided to go there. Okay it was a wonderfully quiet journey and very fast, 10 minutes fast in fact. However I get to Stafford and WHAM...oddballs, everywhere. Okay, Stoke is no heaven for the mentally secure and those unhinged in regards to sincerity and their own inhibitions. But really though, Stafford was full of nutters. People running in shouting, "where are the trains?!", others shouting at the floor such things as "WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO EH?". Its the floor mate, it will win in a fight. Even if you smash up the tiling, you've got the foundations and hardcore to get through. Assuming you beat it that badly, you've still got the small matter of a few miles of the Earths crust to think about. Lets not even discuss the mantle.
Other than that it seemed to be a loop of people. Walking out one door, re-appearing at another. Very strange, like a Laurel and Hardy sketch of every day life. One person, i swear to god had a different hat on each time. I was going to enquire, when i was completely caught off guard by a woman, no older than 20 walking around with the trousers below her arse, arse showing, not the front arse, that was secured by something or other. But my god it wasn't a pretty sight. No one else seemed to care though, not even the woman shouting at her son "JASON, GET OFF BOB THE BUILDER" poor bob the builder, he moves up and down on his digger for 50p. Such is the life of washed up children's cartoon characters. I saw Thomas the Tank Engine the other day, for 50p you could make him hump a rail track. Poor bastard.
Pah, Ive lost my train of thought now. I hope no people ever read this.
Thursday 31 July 2008
Its been a while
A very long while indeed. Much has happened, I'm now working and living in London. I've only been here for a month and I've sampled the delights of:
And besides that, who the fuck is Agyness Dean?
- 2 and a half hour commute in and out of the city from a lovely town outside of London.
- Hall of residence twice as shit as my budget one in Sheffield...and twice as shit.
- Using the underground... every... bloody day.
And to sum it all up, its pretty shit, but hey, the jobs good and it pays, and the colleagues are nice.
I spent my first week commuting in from Banbury to London Marylebone. Marylebone is an odd station, its looks small, but that walk...which turns in a run, to your train seems to last forever. I did see Denis Wise there on a Thursday, he was on the phone. I know, fascinating. I should write for 'The Sun'. Commuter trains are odd as well, the people there are really friendly, but none of them talk very much. At first this struck me as odd as most of them see each other every day. But as the week went on your understand why. At 6am in the morning, everyone is knackered and cannot be arsed to speak and would rather sleep. By 5-6pm in the evening, everyone is knackered and cannot be arsed to speak and would rather sleep. Your day is that hectic, with tube travel, work and the daily stresses it brings, you just don't want to speak to anyone. But oddly, you're happy when you do. Its very odd. Commuting therefore, isn't a great idea, hats off to those who do it, to go to work that early (which is was okay with as I'm an early riser anyway), and come back so late, and to do this every week is no mean feat. Mentally its a mind raper. I'd rather work closer to home for less pay and spend more time with my family, but hey, that's me.
Next up, its been a month in student halls, still looking for somewhere new to live permanently all the while, but not really finding anywhere, and when I do, it falls through at the last moment, or sounds too dodgy to be true, and it usually was. The halls in in currently are not that bad, for what they are, but they are really for the money you pay. I was lucky to find them and be recommended them so I'm not going to complain too much. They basically are student halls for the local university which are open up to foreign students and corporate events throughout the summer, while the students are away. A good idea indeed, and one which earns them a lot of money i suspect, its already got £600 big ones out of me. The bastards. You get all your bills paid for (which Ive abused no end to get my monnies worth).
The down side however is that its a hall of residence, which are shit if you're a professional. Its also shit if you want to cook a decent meal as you cant. Everyone around me is foreign, which is fair enough, I couldn't give a toss where they are from. However, I want someone who speaks English who understands English humour and doesn't make me say things ten times before they laugh for no reason at a phrase like "dinner time". It does amaze me why so many foreigners come to London, there is a whole country outside of the damn place, go see it. Its way better.
Another issue with the halls is a major one. You're required to move out of your room by 10am...and the booking in time is 2pm. A common feature of the halls is that you have to move regularly, usually once a week, to a different room. Usually when a large party comes in and wants to rent out an entire floor. Which is fair enough yeah, i can tolerate that. However the problems come in that 4 hour "dead" period. You move out by 10...and can move to your new room at 2pm. What happens between? You cant store your baggage in the halls as they wont let you. If you work on the 22nd floor of an office building over 10 tube stops away. What the feck do you do? If i take 6 bags somehow onto the Jubilee line, I would get shot by a bastard commuter.
Living 'down south' so to speak is not what it is cracked up to be. People say "oooh working in London? That'll be exciting". No, no it wont. Its exciting if you're visiting it for a day or so, because its something different that the usual day to day activities of your life (assuming you live outside of London). The truth is somewhat bleaker:
You start your day woken by the heat and an alarm of some sort. You then struggle to the tube station, and then go for your oyster card, but no, the scanner isn't working, so you enter anyway. You the get crammed like sardines into a tin can that's noisy, sweaty and full of armpits equipped with homing devices that make a beeline for peoples faces. Other than that's its rather pleasurable...if you're into kinky shit like that, which I'm not. Your train then stops in the tunnel for 5 minutes, you're melting in the heat and some arsehole is getting impatient and ranting about the tubes and how shit they are (probably shouldn't mention that I'm now working as part of the team that's upgrading and maintaining them eh?). You then get to work, you do your 9 to 5...assuming you get there on time. Then its the same journey home, and its rinse and repeat until done.
What I really don't get about the capitol, is the rushing about, running everywhere, moaning if something is delayed by a nanosecond. People moaning about the tube...you should be fucking grateful, i get a bus every hour or two in the countryside, which costs a fortune. Yet on the tube, depending on where you're going you can can span the city in an hour or so for 4 quid. You also get free newspapers and magazines every bloody day...okay they re full of shit news about celebrities I couldn't give a shit about. Mark Ronson for example, what is so good about him? Here is what Mark Ronson does...He takes a song, adds brass (trumpets etc) to said song. Then flogs it to thick bastards who lap it up like a dog that's been given a bowl of water after been strapped to a log in a desert for a day. However as I was saying, on busses, you would be lucky to get a free used condom, never mind news rags.
Still I supposed you get a 'cosmopolitan' lifestyle down here,...Whoop dee doo, whatever the feck a cosmopolitan life is. If someone tells me it once more, I'll throttle them. Anywhere branded as 'cool to live' is going to be shit. The word 'Cosmopolitan' has become a word I now fear, as it means I'm going to hate something. Therefore as a rule of thumb, fuck London, fuck New York. They will both be shit. I'd rather be in New Zealand or Barcelona, Spain.And besides that, who the fuck is Agyness Dean?
Wednesday 19 March 2008
By Day and Night, Living out of Sight
As much as I hate Stoke-on-Trent for being a crummy shit hole full of derelict buildings, bad roads and irate drivers. It is still the most warming sight at night after a day of travelling. Coming up the A50 or M6 seeing its glow in the night sky, I sort of know I'm home or nearly there, whichever is the case. I find it strange that in the darkness pretty much anything man made can look stunning.
By day nature provides the stunning landscapes, by night it must be said that the creations of man provide the awe. I suppose at night you can't see the stories behind the blinking lights as you drive past, you don't see cracks or peoples faces, you only see what we've created. It does sound a little stupid but things everyone else seems to take for granted such as roads, lighting, buildings, all sorts, I find it utterly amazing. All these components working together, despite complaints when they don't work, its still amazing that they do at all.
Travelling the roads of the UK doesnt half put things into perspective, we're such a small country compared to pretty much everyone else. Yet somehow inbetween all the chaos of every day life, everything seems to work. It does sound stupid, but out of every county I've been the UK is where I feel safest. If you crash, get injured or whatever, the response time is quite frankly amazing. Yes, some of this must be down to the logistics required in the UK being on a smaller scale than say a US state, but good god, if its that fast here it must seem like a snail pace anywhere bigger. Admist the madness there is organisation. It's good to see.
The last few days were spent in Cornwall with the joys of Robin, Christina and Lorna for company...and a dog... Lorna did the driving, hats off to her, she drove well and speedily...without too many incidents, personally had I have driven I might have doneded a few crashes...Such is my confidence in my own driving. I would not admit such niceties to lorna's face as it would be seen as a)Sarcasm, or b) a Lie or c)Wrong...just plain wrong, so therefore I say nothing, I keep stum about such bullshittery. Therefore I'm not being stubborn or ignorant, I just have a sixth sense for futility of a scenario.
Anyhows, after much driving the tent must be erected, with is a doddle if you have a 2/3 second tent...however the stability of such a tent in a highwind is a glory to behold...therefore to anyone going to a rugged and somewhat stubborn location, I suggest a 'well-ard' tent...Ours followed this route but to some the damned thing up in one word I'd choose "bastardlike". I've seen clearer instructions from the Apple website and I've seen better tents manufactured by the Soviet Union. Therefore I say bollocks to it, I'll just get a static caravan.
Speaking of static caravan is there anyone in the UK who can tell me why every road we were on was full of lorries carrying static caravans? I personally thought to be some sort of crazy capture the flag style game. Stealing the homes from the opponents site and lugging them to your own. The idea seems ludicrous, but I love the thought of it.
On the way down we stopped a truckers diner...I must say, its something to do before you die, there were some dodgy old souls in the place and why on earth they needed 4 working staff to man it was beyond me. It was like a site office on a construction site with some plastic chairs, a hob and a till. Still I love the novelty of such things.
Everyone in cornwall seemed to be suspiciously nice and eager to give good hospitality. Maybe because it was out of season, they were desperate perhaps? Or was it because they smelt the money? Either way, hats off to them I loved it.
I must also reserve a final comment for the dog...Poppy, an animal which really topped off an excellent getaway. A collie (or so I believe to be) with more energy than a red bull factory smoothered in those lucozade tablets you get. Waking up first thing in a morning to see it sitting outside with a stick raring to go was quite cheering to the soul. Then to come back from the shower to see a stone left inside the entrance of the tent. Poppy it seems has a penchant for stones and likes to chase anything that can be thrown in order to retrieve. Even if the item is a size of an atom and will never be found again, the joy of running is enough alone.
Hats off to you Poppy, you could make a rock garden quicker than groundforce.
By day nature provides the stunning landscapes, by night it must be said that the creations of man provide the awe. I suppose at night you can't see the stories behind the blinking lights as you drive past, you don't see cracks or peoples faces, you only see what we've created. It does sound a little stupid but things everyone else seems to take for granted such as roads, lighting, buildings, all sorts, I find it utterly amazing. All these components working together, despite complaints when they don't work, its still amazing that they do at all.
Travelling the roads of the UK doesnt half put things into perspective, we're such a small country compared to pretty much everyone else. Yet somehow inbetween all the chaos of every day life, everything seems to work. It does sound stupid, but out of every county I've been the UK is where I feel safest. If you crash, get injured or whatever, the response time is quite frankly amazing. Yes, some of this must be down to the logistics required in the UK being on a smaller scale than say a US state, but good god, if its that fast here it must seem like a snail pace anywhere bigger. Admist the madness there is organisation. It's good to see.
The last few days were spent in Cornwall with the joys of Robin, Christina and Lorna for company...and a dog... Lorna did the driving, hats off to her, she drove well and speedily...without too many incidents, personally had I have driven I might have doneded a few crashes...Such is my confidence in my own driving. I would not admit such niceties to lorna's face as it would be seen as a)Sarcasm, or b) a Lie or c)Wrong...just plain wrong, so therefore I say nothing, I keep stum about such bullshittery. Therefore I'm not being stubborn or ignorant, I just have a sixth sense for futility of a scenario.
Anyhows, after much driving the tent must be erected, with is a doddle if you have a 2/3 second tent...however the stability of such a tent in a highwind is a glory to behold...therefore to anyone going to a rugged and somewhat stubborn location, I suggest a 'well-ard' tent...Ours followed this route but to some the damned thing up in one word I'd choose "bastardlike". I've seen clearer instructions from the Apple website and I've seen better tents manufactured by the Soviet Union. Therefore I say bollocks to it, I'll just get a static caravan.
Speaking of static caravan is there anyone in the UK who can tell me why every road we were on was full of lorries carrying static caravans? I personally thought to be some sort of crazy capture the flag style game. Stealing the homes from the opponents site and lugging them to your own. The idea seems ludicrous, but I love the thought of it.
On the way down we stopped a truckers diner...I must say, its something to do before you die, there were some dodgy old souls in the place and why on earth they needed 4 working staff to man it was beyond me. It was like a site office on a construction site with some plastic chairs, a hob and a till. Still I love the novelty of such things.
Everyone in cornwall seemed to be suspiciously nice and eager to give good hospitality. Maybe because it was out of season, they were desperate perhaps? Or was it because they smelt the money? Either way, hats off to them I loved it.
I must also reserve a final comment for the dog...Poppy, an animal which really topped off an excellent getaway. A collie (or so I believe to be) with more energy than a red bull factory smoothered in those lucozade tablets you get. Waking up first thing in a morning to see it sitting outside with a stick raring to go was quite cheering to the soul. Then to come back from the shower to see a stone left inside the entrance of the tent. Poppy it seems has a penchant for stones and likes to chase anything that can be thrown in order to retrieve. Even if the item is a size of an atom and will never be found again, the joy of running is enough alone.
Hats off to you Poppy, you could make a rock garden quicker than groundforce.
Thursday 28 February 2008
Forever, watching love grow
I'm feeling musical today don't know why, maybe because I've had songs in my head all day whilst trying to focus on the delightful world of construction contracts and Collateral warranties...FUN FUN FUN I CAN ASSURE YOU.
I've been on a Joy Division/New Order bender this week, with a sloshing of Radiohead to top it off. No its not depressing, I just find people are afraid of music that actually has a little bit of meaning behind it that isnt all samey. This is possibly a reason why I don't understand the whole "emo" tag for shit. Surely most music is somewhat emotional? I can't really hack the word 'depressing' in relation to music either. I hate the word to be frank, its over-used and related to this, that, everything and something...Mostly when it does not warrant the use of it. "Oh I've had a really bad day, im so depressed"..."God there was a dress in a shop and they only have it in a size 10...oh god im so depressed"...Wankers.
However, enough that, I'm absolutely loving it. Joy Division are musically just what i'm looking for. Gritty yet theres something there thats substantial as opposed to just plain punk which after a few years of listening to, can sound a bit samey. It sounds bizarre but I sort of class Joy Division the same as The Dead Kennedys, maybe not on musical sound or content (some similarities exist in the lyrics I guess) but more on the impact it has on me and my life.
When it comes to music I must say I find myself in a strange position, not quite here, not quite there. I guess its good for keeping options open but at the same time you don't actually belong to anything imparticular...But there again, would you really want to belong to a group or style of music that only plays that style? Where is the diversity? I'll gladly go from Radiohead to T.Rex, to The Dead Kennedys and the Clash and then end up with Blur, before having a Bob Dylan encore.
Music is nostalgia, a certain band or song can suddenly whip up a shitstorm of memories and such bullshittery, I like that. I mean Muse's older stuff instantly sends me back to the college years...which for most people is pretty standard. Muse seem to be 'that band you liked in college'. A stepping stone to more niche musical markets. However I just cannot get into tht latest album, it makes me feel kind of bad. They seem to a midway house between a number of things. Ah well.
I like to try and find something good out of everything in music, I can appreciate pop and understand dance. However I can't for the life of me fathom 80's "glam" (maybe? The image represents that of glam) Rock (shitty term that covers pretty much everything). I mean pretty much everything withered in the 80's. Pop degenerated into Madonna and Culture Club etc. The sons just sound so samey and aged compared to 60's and 70's music. I really don't get it. It's as if the industry went backwards. Punk did well out of the 80's (If people actually like anything with associated with the word 'punk' (as you can tell I hate genre names) but I love the stuff when its not all sounding the same as something before it *cough* Buzzcocks *cough*) with Black Flag and the Dead Kennedys, The Clash and even the Ramones had a good bash throughout it, but other than that i'm struggling to see what went well.
Im not slurring the Buzzcocks, but for the love of god, how on earth they sold records is beyond me, they have one track called 'lipstick' which is notable in my eyes...or through my ears I should say. Other than that its more or less..."Here is the song title, lets repeat it over the same riff over a 2 minute period".
The likes of Bowie, Queen and Bob Dylan all went shite in the 80's. A decade of awkwardness. I'd say musically it was the worst decade, although im struggling to find anything decent to come out the current one, which I can't even think of the name for it...the naughties? I must say possibly on par with 80's if not a little worse.
I really should go buy more albums, but ive been abusing the Lastfm.com full song playback feature and youtube. I would buy them this week end but its mothers day, so balls to that I guess. Balls to it all.
Anyway fuck knows why I've typed this, but Im a bit bored and a bit tired and I dont have much to do other than work and I've been doing that since half 9 this morning and I only finished at 7.30pm...ITS NOT EVEN 9 TO 5. This is shit.
I've been on a Joy Division/New Order bender this week, with a sloshing of Radiohead to top it off. No its not depressing, I just find people are afraid of music that actually has a little bit of meaning behind it that isnt all samey. This is possibly a reason why I don't understand the whole "emo" tag for shit. Surely most music is somewhat emotional? I can't really hack the word 'depressing' in relation to music either. I hate the word to be frank, its over-used and related to this, that, everything and something...Mostly when it does not warrant the use of it. "Oh I've had a really bad day, im so depressed"..."God there was a dress in a shop and they only have it in a size 10...oh god im so depressed"...Wankers.
However, enough that, I'm absolutely loving it. Joy Division are musically just what i'm looking for. Gritty yet theres something there thats substantial as opposed to just plain punk which after a few years of listening to, can sound a bit samey. It sounds bizarre but I sort of class Joy Division the same as The Dead Kennedys, maybe not on musical sound or content (some similarities exist in the lyrics I guess) but more on the impact it has on me and my life.
When it comes to music I must say I find myself in a strange position, not quite here, not quite there. I guess its good for keeping options open but at the same time you don't actually belong to anything imparticular...But there again, would you really want to belong to a group or style of music that only plays that style? Where is the diversity? I'll gladly go from Radiohead to T.Rex, to The Dead Kennedys and the Clash and then end up with Blur, before having a Bob Dylan encore.
Music is nostalgia, a certain band or song can suddenly whip up a shitstorm of memories and such bullshittery, I like that. I mean Muse's older stuff instantly sends me back to the college years...which for most people is pretty standard. Muse seem to be 'that band you liked in college'. A stepping stone to more niche musical markets. However I just cannot get into tht latest album, it makes me feel kind of bad. They seem to a midway house between a number of things. Ah well.
I like to try and find something good out of everything in music, I can appreciate pop and understand dance. However I can't for the life of me fathom 80's "glam" (maybe? The image represents that of glam) Rock (shitty term that covers pretty much everything). I mean pretty much everything withered in the 80's. Pop degenerated into Madonna and Culture Club etc. The sons just sound so samey and aged compared to 60's and 70's music. I really don't get it. It's as if the industry went backwards. Punk did well out of the 80's (If people actually like anything with associated with the word 'punk' (as you can tell I hate genre names) but I love the stuff when its not all sounding the same as something before it *cough* Buzzcocks *cough*) with Black Flag and the Dead Kennedys, The Clash and even the Ramones had a good bash throughout it, but other than that i'm struggling to see what went well.
Im not slurring the Buzzcocks, but for the love of god, how on earth they sold records is beyond me, they have one track called 'lipstick' which is notable in my eyes...or through my ears I should say. Other than that its more or less..."Here is the song title, lets repeat it over the same riff over a 2 minute period".
The likes of Bowie, Queen and Bob Dylan all went shite in the 80's. A decade of awkwardness. I'd say musically it was the worst decade, although im struggling to find anything decent to come out the current one, which I can't even think of the name for it...the naughties? I must say possibly on par with 80's if not a little worse.
I really should go buy more albums, but ive been abusing the Lastfm.com full song playback feature and youtube. I would buy them this week end but its mothers day, so balls to that I guess. Balls to it all.
Anyway fuck knows why I've typed this, but Im a bit bored and a bit tired and I dont have much to do other than work and I've been doing that since half 9 this morning and I only finished at 7.30pm...ITS NOT EVEN 9 TO 5. This is shit.
Sunday 17 February 2008
What's all this then?!
It is amazing how little can happen in about a month. Late January to Mid February has possibly been the dullest time of my life since the month of August before I left to start uni. Nothing has really happened.
I can't help but notice the standards on my course again. They make me look like a bloody genious. People who can't divide numbers, cant produce simple mathematical equations and others who just can't do anything other than tell your mum jokes.
Sitting in a lecture, about the perils of horse hair plaster and other such bastardry items. Horse hair plaster contains anthrax. The lecturer then calls out "does anybody know what anthrax is"?
The reply from a student behind was a good one if he was joking "They're a band". Luckily because the room is filled with 90's dance converts who follow indiepiss (as opposed to indie) music now, they didn't understand a fecking word of what was being said. The lecturer must have wished for an early death that night, he really cannot get through to half of them, none of them can.
About most things in general, is it really hard for people to open their eyes and see what the rest of the world is doing? To know about other things other than things that affect their personal lives? I dont want to be one of those bastards who makes a big song and dance about someone not knowing something, I dont do it for laughs, I dont find it funny. I really find it incredible and somewhat demoralising when someone doesnt know if Malta is an island or a sweet product.
Mmmmm thats a tasty Malta right there.
We also had a road safety crash reconstruction outside the Hallam uni. It was a freezing day and me and Hutch were just passing through, but we stayed as I was determined to see the roof of a Vauxhall Corsa get cut off. Still it was Valentines day, the most commercial of events...An event which I swear to god most couples dont celebrate anymore. But anyway, its supposed to be a day of joy, and believe me im all for hard hitting campaigns but this reconstruction maybe was a little strong for midday on a valentines day.
The woman was strewn across the car bonnet and was then hoisted down and the paramedics worked on her. However after about 10 minutes the tannoy bloke says.
"Unfortunately the girl has died" Now this is understandable, but I still dont see the need for him having to say this after.
"The only place she will be going tonight is to the mortuary". I mean bloody hell? We got the picture from the corpse lying on the floor, with a blanket over it and he said she was dead. Is there a need for a wise crack? This is not an Arnie film.
Maybe I should make more wisecracks concerning the deaths of people. NOW WOULDNT THAT BE FUN?
I alo hope I get this job, im sort of looking forward to the spontanuity...spell check please... I could be located here, or over there. Who knows? Makes it sound exciting. In a way. Still if Rachel goes off to uni we wont see as much of each other as she will need to focus on work and I on my placement. If I want to do some travelling I may as well do it now rather than 5 years down the line when it will be too late. Hmmm oh well, too early to think about such matters I need heated bread smothered in dairy products.
I can't help but notice the standards on my course again. They make me look like a bloody genious. People who can't divide numbers, cant produce simple mathematical equations and others who just can't do anything other than tell your mum jokes.
Sitting in a lecture, about the perils of horse hair plaster and other such bastardry items. Horse hair plaster contains anthrax. The lecturer then calls out "does anybody know what anthrax is"?
The reply from a student behind was a good one if he was joking "They're a band". Luckily because the room is filled with 90's dance converts who follow indiepiss (as opposed to indie) music now, they didn't understand a fecking word of what was being said. The lecturer must have wished for an early death that night, he really cannot get through to half of them, none of them can.
About most things in general, is it really hard for people to open their eyes and see what the rest of the world is doing? To know about other things other than things that affect their personal lives? I dont want to be one of those bastards who makes a big song and dance about someone not knowing something, I dont do it for laughs, I dont find it funny. I really find it incredible and somewhat demoralising when someone doesnt know if Malta is an island or a sweet product.
Mmmmm thats a tasty Malta right there.
We also had a road safety crash reconstruction outside the Hallam uni. It was a freezing day and me and Hutch were just passing through, but we stayed as I was determined to see the roof of a Vauxhall Corsa get cut off. Still it was Valentines day, the most commercial of events...An event which I swear to god most couples dont celebrate anymore. But anyway, its supposed to be a day of joy, and believe me im all for hard hitting campaigns but this reconstruction maybe was a little strong for midday on a valentines day.
The woman was strewn across the car bonnet and was then hoisted down and the paramedics worked on her. However after about 10 minutes the tannoy bloke says.
"Unfortunately the girl has died" Now this is understandable, but I still dont see the need for him having to say this after.
"The only place she will be going tonight is to the mortuary". I mean bloody hell? We got the picture from the corpse lying on the floor, with a blanket over it and he said she was dead. Is there a need for a wise crack? This is not an Arnie film.
Maybe I should make more wisecracks concerning the deaths of people. NOW WOULDNT THAT BE FUN?
I alo hope I get this job, im sort of looking forward to the spontanuity...spell check please... I could be located here, or over there. Who knows? Makes it sound exciting. In a way. Still if Rachel goes off to uni we wont see as much of each other as she will need to focus on work and I on my placement. If I want to do some travelling I may as well do it now rather than 5 years down the line when it will be too late. Hmmm oh well, too early to think about such matters I need heated bread smothered in dairy products.
Sunday 3 February 2008
God only knows
And im not even religious.
Since I last wrote I have managed to produce a Jam Roly Poly that was akin to that of a block of lard. The recipe said to use greaseproof paper, first time round I just buttered some foil and it worked brilliantly, made a really good roly poly. This time I buy some greaseproof and it turned my entire cake to grease. Bit bizarre as the majority of the paper had become grease.
In addition, when making my second Chocolate Fudge Cake, this time following the recipe despite my first make-shift effort being rather good, has somehow got a bizarre taste on the sauce/fudge. From now on I say bollocks to recipes I'll do it my own way.
Other wise this week has mainly gone by rather quickly, with me getting increasingly frustrated throughout. What with a girlfriend who lives a billion miles the other way, and everything else just getting on my tits. The people on my course just seem to be getting thicker and thicker constantly. This week they were all going mental about some fire safety calculations and having a go at the lecturer as they couldnt keep up/do rounding or percentages. Some great quotes being...
"What?! Why the fuck are we multiplying by 100? What the fucks goin' on"...."It must be something to do with the length of the wall I guess".
All I can say to the people reading this is, don't let anyone who's been to Hallam and not got over a 2:1 touch your house. For the love of god, just tell them to fuck off. They'll be the death of you.
In addition to this, and to my ever growing list of mad lecturers, the latest one looks like Mugabe. This is all I bastard need, and I can't understand a thing he says and during lecturers me sways in and out when on the microphone so all you here is...
"heLLO my name is MUGABE" Which can be very tedious as he teaches some shit about services in buildings.
Ahhh well, I can see this being a year where Bob Dylan music is going to have to pull me through it. On the plus side I got offered a job by Balfour Beatty Rail, which is a bit good but it could mean tha tnext year I could be all over the shot and travelling everywhere.
I also had a comical phone interview with Carillion, I was semi-pissed and my notes were all ready and done, I'd read them through and I was feeling confident. However when it came to it, I was infatuated by the sexy ladys voice and I couldnt string a sentence together. A massive difference to the Balfour phone interview which was really good.
In a nutshell I said I knew nothing about the company, I hated group working with other people who are crap at what they do. That when working part time in the local pub, that a majority of the staff are completely useless. I came across as a babbling nutter who hates people. Slightly accurate in hindsight but not great in an interview. However in construction nothing surprises me, and sure enough 2 hours later I get an email saying that I've passed the first stage and Im through to the face to face interviews. Such low standards. I wouldnt have hired myself on that performance, why the feck should they?
Nutters. Nutters everywhere.
Also I can't wait for someone to boycott EGG and their shitty EGG credit cards. Its an utter joke that they can cancel the credit cards with 35 days notice to customers it "no longer wishes to lend money to". Despite these people paying their credit off as soon as they can and having excellent credit ratings. Yet Egg somehow keep the cards registered to people with poor credit ratings, maxed out cards and ever increasing debts. Profit maximising bastards. Even I say it as being wrong and Im a capitalist to be frank, im not going to sit here and talk about saving the world or being a communist like most other pathetic socialist students. Who are all talk and no action.Lets face it, at the end of the day most students are money driven and have lots of lovely ipods etc, so the concept of them being all sharing, all giving whores of society makes me laugh.
But yeah, heres to EGG going bankrupt. Cheers.
Since I last wrote I have managed to produce a Jam Roly Poly that was akin to that of a block of lard. The recipe said to use greaseproof paper, first time round I just buttered some foil and it worked brilliantly, made a really good roly poly. This time I buy some greaseproof and it turned my entire cake to grease. Bit bizarre as the majority of the paper had become grease.
In addition, when making my second Chocolate Fudge Cake, this time following the recipe despite my first make-shift effort being rather good, has somehow got a bizarre taste on the sauce/fudge. From now on I say bollocks to recipes I'll do it my own way.
Other wise this week has mainly gone by rather quickly, with me getting increasingly frustrated throughout. What with a girlfriend who lives a billion miles the other way, and everything else just getting on my tits. The people on my course just seem to be getting thicker and thicker constantly. This week they were all going mental about some fire safety calculations and having a go at the lecturer as they couldnt keep up/do rounding or percentages. Some great quotes being...
"What?! Why the fuck are we multiplying by 100? What the fucks goin' on"...."It must be something to do with the length of the wall I guess".
All I can say to the people reading this is, don't let anyone who's been to Hallam and not got over a 2:1 touch your house. For the love of god, just tell them to fuck off. They'll be the death of you.
In addition to this, and to my ever growing list of mad lecturers, the latest one looks like Mugabe. This is all I bastard need, and I can't understand a thing he says and during lecturers me sways in and out when on the microphone so all you here is...
"heLLO my name is MUGABE" Which can be very tedious as he teaches some shit about services in buildings.
Ahhh well, I can see this being a year where Bob Dylan music is going to have to pull me through it. On the plus side I got offered a job by Balfour Beatty Rail, which is a bit good but it could mean tha tnext year I could be all over the shot and travelling everywhere.
I also had a comical phone interview with Carillion, I was semi-pissed and my notes were all ready and done, I'd read them through and I was feeling confident. However when it came to it, I was infatuated by the sexy ladys voice and I couldnt string a sentence together. A massive difference to the Balfour phone interview which was really good.
In a nutshell I said I knew nothing about the company, I hated group working with other people who are crap at what they do. That when working part time in the local pub, that a majority of the staff are completely useless. I came across as a babbling nutter who hates people. Slightly accurate in hindsight but not great in an interview. However in construction nothing surprises me, and sure enough 2 hours later I get an email saying that I've passed the first stage and Im through to the face to face interviews. Such low standards. I wouldnt have hired myself on that performance, why the feck should they?
Nutters. Nutters everywhere.
Also I can't wait for someone to boycott EGG and their shitty EGG credit cards. Its an utter joke that they can cancel the credit cards with 35 days notice to customers it "no longer wishes to lend money to". Despite these people paying their credit off as soon as they can and having excellent credit ratings. Yet Egg somehow keep the cards registered to people with poor credit ratings, maxed out cards and ever increasing debts. Profit maximising bastards. Even I say it as being wrong and Im a capitalist to be frank, im not going to sit here and talk about saving the world or being a communist like most other pathetic socialist students. Who are all talk and no action.Lets face it, at the end of the day most students are money driven and have lots of lovely ipods etc, so the concept of them being all sharing, all giving whores of society makes me laugh.
But yeah, heres to EGG going bankrupt. Cheers.
Monday 21 January 2008
Dear diary, Lorna is being a knob, she is wearing clothes again, this is making me sick...so sick infact that im being sick. When will this shit riddled piss mattress stop bastardising the western world. The shithead. Knob. Lorna Lorna Lorna, why does her name rhyme with Sauna, her skin is white for fucking christs knob.
I am writing this, as she is listening to me dictate it, slowly, as my mouth cannot keep up with my hands as they type. She is questioning me, and her mouth movements do not fit in with the music am playing. She sounds fuck all, like Ian Curtis, but she has the same sizes tits as he did not. Wankers.
Lorna Lorna
Where's my beef
Lorna Lorna
Where's my beef
Have you put it in the oven
How about in the fridge
I do hope you havn't woven
It into Midge (Ure)
Lorna mower, lornamower Lorna mower, lornamower Lorna mower, lornamowerLorna mower, lornamower
Bell ends.
I am writing this, as she is listening to me dictate it, slowly, as my mouth cannot keep up with my hands as they type. She is questioning me, and her mouth movements do not fit in with the music am playing. She sounds fuck all, like Ian Curtis, but she has the same sizes tits as he did not. Wankers.
Lorna Lorna
Where's my beef
Lorna Lorna
Where's my beef
Have you put it in the oven
How about in the fridge
I do hope you havn't woven
It into Midge (Ure)
Lorna mower, lornamower Lorna mower, lornamower Lorna mower, lornamowerLorna mower, lornamower
Bell ends.
Saturday 19 January 2008
Wooden peg
This week has been mainly full of shite and exams. Why exams cannot be in once place around the university is beyond me, you usually spend half of your time on exam day actually finding the place. Wondering all corners on the city aimlessly looking for something that contains a hundred desks.
The final exam taken was in a gym in the main city campus building, but every chair in the hall was un-oiled. Every movement by all 200 people in the room was rewarded with a creak. It was fantastic when everyone sat down and stood up. And I must say to the twat who kept fidgeting a few seats away from me, you utter fuckslammer.
I also fear that one of my favoruite students on my course has not made it to the second year this year, however I have been seeing him here and there around the city and uni all year. Which is odd, he might still think he's on the course. Wouldn't surprise me.
This guy is the type who turns up to a class every blue moon, and last year I met him when I was outside waiting for a lecture and writing a letter to Rachel (the girlfriend) when he just walks up to me and says "what are you writing"? I found this to be a rather hard question to answer considering it was the last thing I expected to hear from a complete stranger. So I can him a good old simple answer..."a letter". He seemed undettered by this and continued to probe, "what for"? and "whats in it"? I couldn't help but feel was taking the piss, but before I had to answer he had to leave, there may just be a god out there it seemed.
However from this day forth in the first year everytime he turned up to a class he would make a beeline for me and then say nothing but "whats that"? when pointing at he work I was doing. Answers included 'A drawings', 'a pen', 'a divison sign' and a personal favoruite 'a wooden peg'.
This latter one came about when we were studying the fascinating world of soil identification. Using a wooden peg to make a crude establishment of the soil type. Here we had a piece of paper with a massively complicated table and graph...and on the other side a drawing...of a wooden peg. Now to someone who hasnt turned up to a lecture in about 3 months you'd think the question would be on the graph and table...but oh no. He asks me about the wooden peg.
"whats tha?" (bear in mind he also has a strong scouse accent and is a bit dim-witted).
"errr...its a wooden peg" (I tried to give it more explanation but I just couldn't).
"wha's one of them"
And to this day I regard my answer as one of the finest I have ever given to a grown man.
"Its a peg...made of wood"
I even kept a straight face, my friend next to me was clearly struggling to keep it in but he bravely managed it. The nutter however was clearly delighted with the answer and responded enthusiastically with "ahhh right, I see now". So fair play to him, from that day on he became wooden peg...it sounds like a super hero.
FROM THAT DAY FORTH HE WAS KNOWN AS...THE WOODEN PEG.
Could have a tagline of "Round peg, square hole" etc.
In other news, I cant stand Sheffield United fans, moaning bastards. I've purchased viva pinata on the pc...and im breeding rabbit pinatas like there is no tommorow. Im bored a hell now the exams are done but I feel much better for completing them. I have heard no news on my job interview. And I dont like the elderly, unless they're playing drums or discussing the topic of 'youths'.
Other than this I really cannot think of much else.
Oh yeah there was a drunkard near my flat who'd obviously just come out of the local job centre in sheffield and was nursing a can of stella. He was walking up the road ahead of me stopping at even tree on the pavement, and kicking and jumping up and down in the gravel thats bedded beneath them, clearly having a whale of a time. I decided to keep my distance and see how it all developed as he suddenly started pointing at swearing at buildings, starting with the job centre.
"fucking bunch of bastards" and "wankers"
During the distance to the next tree, it was either he was lowering his standards of choice in which building to pick on, or he had a natural hatred of the built environment...however im banking on him being pissed to the point of near blindness. He was pointing and making gestures of all sorts at every building he could make out to be a building. He called the car sales place which sells lotus' "Dickheads". And as for the run down club, they were "wankers" just like the job centre. He was clearly loving it. And on that I decided to leave him too it and make a hasty exit. I wonder what he's doing now, the nutter.
I hope he runs a Creché. Badly. I hope he ignore Health & Safety. Them ball pits best have some asbestos balls in then.
The final exam taken was in a gym in the main city campus building, but every chair in the hall was un-oiled. Every movement by all 200 people in the room was rewarded with a creak. It was fantastic when everyone sat down and stood up. And I must say to the twat who kept fidgeting a few seats away from me, you utter fuckslammer.
I also fear that one of my favoruite students on my course has not made it to the second year this year, however I have been seeing him here and there around the city and uni all year. Which is odd, he might still think he's on the course. Wouldn't surprise me.
This guy is the type who turns up to a class every blue moon, and last year I met him when I was outside waiting for a lecture and writing a letter to Rachel (the girlfriend) when he just walks up to me and says "what are you writing"? I found this to be a rather hard question to answer considering it was the last thing I expected to hear from a complete stranger. So I can him a good old simple answer..."a letter". He seemed undettered by this and continued to probe, "what for"? and "whats in it"? I couldn't help but feel was taking the piss, but before I had to answer he had to leave, there may just be a god out there it seemed.
However from this day forth in the first year everytime he turned up to a class he would make a beeline for me and then say nothing but "whats that"? when pointing at he work I was doing. Answers included 'A drawings', 'a pen', 'a divison sign' and a personal favoruite 'a wooden peg'.
This latter one came about when we were studying the fascinating world of soil identification. Using a wooden peg to make a crude establishment of the soil type. Here we had a piece of paper with a massively complicated table and graph...and on the other side a drawing...of a wooden peg. Now to someone who hasnt turned up to a lecture in about 3 months you'd think the question would be on the graph and table...but oh no. He asks me about the wooden peg.
"whats tha?" (bear in mind he also has a strong scouse accent and is a bit dim-witted).
"errr...its a wooden peg" (I tried to give it more explanation but I just couldn't).
"wha's one of them"
And to this day I regard my answer as one of the finest I have ever given to a grown man.
"Its a peg...made of wood"
I even kept a straight face, my friend next to me was clearly struggling to keep it in but he bravely managed it. The nutter however was clearly delighted with the answer and responded enthusiastically with "ahhh right, I see now". So fair play to him, from that day on he became wooden peg...it sounds like a super hero.
FROM THAT DAY FORTH HE WAS KNOWN AS...THE WOODEN PEG.
Could have a tagline of "Round peg, square hole" etc.
In other news, I cant stand Sheffield United fans, moaning bastards. I've purchased viva pinata on the pc...and im breeding rabbit pinatas like there is no tommorow. Im bored a hell now the exams are done but I feel much better for completing them. I have heard no news on my job interview. And I dont like the elderly, unless they're playing drums or discussing the topic of 'youths'.
Other than this I really cannot think of much else.
Oh yeah there was a drunkard near my flat who'd obviously just come out of the local job centre in sheffield and was nursing a can of stella. He was walking up the road ahead of me stopping at even tree on the pavement, and kicking and jumping up and down in the gravel thats bedded beneath them, clearly having a whale of a time. I decided to keep my distance and see how it all developed as he suddenly started pointing at swearing at buildings, starting with the job centre.
"fucking bunch of bastards" and "wankers"
During the distance to the next tree, it was either he was lowering his standards of choice in which building to pick on, or he had a natural hatred of the built environment...however im banking on him being pissed to the point of near blindness. He was pointing and making gestures of all sorts at every building he could make out to be a building. He called the car sales place which sells lotus' "Dickheads". And as for the run down club, they were "wankers" just like the job centre. He was clearly loving it. And on that I decided to leave him too it and make a hasty exit. I wonder what he's doing now, the nutter.
I hope he runs a Creché. Badly. I hope he ignore Health & Safety. Them ball pits best have some asbestos balls in then.
Friday 11 January 2008
How I see the world
I've wrote many things in the past, some comical, others just thoughts. However once I get going im hard to stop. It is good to write, even if they're your own thoughts and when you live in the country in a small, dim, cut-off village with no amenities other than a rusted post-box, you get alot of time to yourself. Therefore I do a fair bit of thinking and writing.
Despite being 19, I feel like im knocking on the door of 40 and awaiting a mid-life crisis. Maybe because all I see everyday is stupidity and I cannot truly see the point to doing many things in life. People are always pressuring us to earn money, drive fast cars, own big homes and consume consume consume. What really is the point? If you decide to stop and only obtain what you need in life, everyone scrutinizes you. They look upon on you as if you are conjuring up a dastardly plan for world domination or that you are plotting their downfall.
Around 3 years ago I had some pretty strong views. God knows what happened but I am not the same person I used to be by a long way. I used to be consistently angry with the world and want to change things, all I do now is except things as they are and think “let it be”. For 3 years to breed such contempt for everything I once despaired over destroys me inside, it really does.
I can’t stand my own generation. One full of image conscious, media blinded fools who follow ‘fashionable’ politics. They rave about helping the poor, feeding Africa and solving social deprivation with 'cool' communist ideologies. Yet all they seem to do is purchase an I-pod, put on some Converse, stage a music festival and wear Che Guevara T-shirts. To see these so called ‘communists’ flaunting such wealth makes me sigh at the hypocrisy. A generation in which ‘fun’ is defined as getting drunk, where ‘drunk’ is classified as ‘comatose’. A generation which declares it suffers from the ‘stresses’ of a modern world, using it as an excuse to act like twats or take hardline drugs.
On that point, why do people do things to fit in with everyone else? It is pathetic to see people smoking weed or whatever only when someone else offers it. I honestly do not get the whole drug culture, and how its seen as being cool and fashionable. I truly hate it when people try to impress others with their drug taking history. Who gives a fuck? Whats that? You've done crack? Oh woop dee doo, let me cosult my 'Do I Give A Shit-ometer', it flashing up on "Fuck off" it seems. If you need a drug to get your kicks or fit in better, then frankly thats a bit bastard shit for you, you insecure bastards. There again, each to their own.
I despise those older than me for their constant put downs to the generations below. A usual rant every summer when exam scores are released is...
“Exams are getting too easy nowadays, now in my day when we had the O level…now they were a challenge”
Why do they see such high pass rates? Maybe because they created a society where anyone who doesn’t get good enough grades to get into higher education disappears into borderline poverty. They raised the stakes and they can’t stand to see that the generation below them has risen to the challenge and upped the bar. They give no gratitude, no encouragement, nothing. Then wonder why the so called ‘youth of today’ have ‘gone off the rails’. They once were given respect, they gave us none back. Respect must be nurtured; it doesn’t maintain itself, like a plant, it will wilt over the course of time. The rot started here, the contempt started here, it all starts here. What we are burdened with now spreads its roots here, with a generation which settles disputes on chat shows and in courtrooms.
We’re a society that’s quite rare, it is one that’s never experienced a war, and from what I can see, this is a bad thing. As horrible as that is to hear, it’s true. No one wants to work together with each other, everyone’s against one another. There is no pride in this nation and no desire to keep it strong and secure. Many blame it on, foreign nationals or those of different religion and culture. This however is just a scapegoat, just like in Nazi Germany in the 1930’s where Jews were used as a tool to place the blame. However, as was the case then, the real issue lies within the state itself. It is to blame for its lack of pride in itself. Not decent upstanding foreigners who come over here to slog their arses off to do jobs the average Englishman can no longer be arsed to do, as he’d rather take the social benefits instead of some real work. We do not focus on the majority who come over here to make something of theselves. Instead we focus on the minority who do not adapt to our society and yes, I admit, these people must be dealt with to prevent re-occurence. The reason this country has gone to shit however, is a lack of people wanting to work, to pull their fingers out of their arses and stop blaming everyone else. The lack of responsibility is frankly appalling.
(If you've got this far then bugger me, you're doing well).
The younger section of society blames everything on capitalism. It is supposedly ‘cool’ to blame such a system. There are people everywhere shouting and screaming about communism and socialism. Like it’d make any difference whatsoever? No system works in a society. We’re all too obnoxious to do anything to help ourselves. The human race is a curse unto itself it seems.
While im at it, I must say the one thing that really irritates me is religion. The human races one great flaw, religion, the unwavering need to believe in something ‘unworldly’…and why? For ‘comfort and sanctity’ from the world it seems according to those who I ask. So we believe in things we cannot prove or grasp and understand in order to provide comfort? Such things only provide comfort to those who are contempt with not challenging anything in life. How can there be a religion in a world full of hate and despair? What sort of sick, sadist of a god gets a kick out of rape, murder, genocide, infanticide and natural disaster? Is god Fred West? I bastard hope not. No a god of mine could ever exist in a world like this. I can’t help but feel that everyone in this world should believe in themselves, and each other, not in false teachings, supposedly holy books, artefacts and gods. If we just believed in ourselves and those around us, maybe just maybe, we would become a decent race that progresses. Maybe this accounts for another reason for why I am feeling the way I am, why I feel empty and that I’m missing something, because I refuse to believe in anything other than myself? Or is it because I cannot find anyone out there to believe in me? Who knows?
Religion is simply a tool, propaganda if you must, to rally once separated peoples under one banner, to unite them against a common enemy. Emperor Constantine of the Roman Empire, a man celebrated much by Christians. He brought Christianity to the Roman Empire, and why? The empire had an increasing number of Christians within it and some Romans worshipping traditional Roman gods. It was too difficult to divide his people on the grounds of him vs. his enemy…however he could easily divide them by religion, and he could gain a stronger support but converting his empire to Christianity. God is a weapon. Why does the bible keep changing and evolving? Supposedly to reflect the state of society, how can a religious document do this? Religion is always used as a weapon by those in seemingly untenable positions. Religion causes regression. It has never been any other way.
The Media is another aspect of our society which further aids regression. It fuels the fire of discontent at the back of fragile and somewhat dim-witted minds with their propaganda. The phrasing of stories to portray their views no matter what the occasion would delight any soothsayer.
I’ve witnessed those close to me slowly get caught and manipulated by media writing especially from newspapers to believe twisted versions of the truth. I suppose this transition has been one of the big causes of my disillusionment with society as a whole. These causes range from political to that of musical and social disillusionment. Nothing applies to me any more. Nothing is specific to me. New music, new trends, new phases, new movements, new cultures, new ideologies (or re-branded ones it seems), none apply to me. I see myself turning further back in time for music, inspiration and influence. I see myself losing acquaintances at a faster rate than I acquire them. I find myself stuck in a rut, in a black hole that only devours me. I can’t bear the country I live in, the city of my birth, my fellow locals, any of it. All I see is a rise in local loyalties and extreme nationalism. What’s next? Feudalism? Will we go to war with the French? For old times sake at least? I find it all increasingly pathetic. The world moves on and this country and my home town just does not seem to move with it.
I come from Stoke-on-Trent, a city made up of towns, which for some ungodly reason have been linked together through the endless urban sprawl we get due to slack laws on green field developments. Stoke and its inhabitants like 50 years behind the rest of the UK. It thinks it should still be mining seams of coal and producing pottery despite the rest of the world doing all this at a much cheaper (and in some cases better) products. Stoke is full of backward thinking, illiterate, dull, dim-witted individuals with cave-man personas. When people ask where I come from, what the hell do I say? "Outside of Stoke", to say you're from it automatically associates it either Shit or Robbie Williams, and believe me they're pratically one of the same. Stokies in a nut shell spend far too long thinking about what it has been. They don't turn their attention to what it is becoming. A half way point in the UK, where haulage companies and supermarkets build distribution warehouses. Where the old industrial sector has an alarming growth in safe storage lock ups. Is this the future of stoke? If so, see you all later, Im off.
I used to love Stoke, I once had a great pride in it, that was until I actually looked at it in more detail, I looked behind the facades of shops, down alleyways, in the rougher areas. I looked at the queue outside the job centre. I sat down on a bench in the centre of the high street and watched. Bastard hell, I saw some shit that day. Still, I have a wierd love for the football team and I will never know why.
If we were to uncover the main reason behind everything that has caused me to be where I am now it would revolve around politics. A nation that has over a decade of one party rule, under the same head of state is not a democracy. Society changes rapidly, far outpacing governments and policy. How can a government justify a 4 to 5 year period of power without a change between these periods of governor or anything? It can never maintain such popularity over this period therefore. This creates a bigger number of people turning against the party. This just creates disillusionment. Once an election has been won, the defeated are demoralised. They effectively can do nothing until the next election. This applies not only to parties but also to the people. These people then drift aimlessly and try to exploit minor openings and claim petty victories.
All that needs to be done every election is to alternate between Labour and Conversative, even a change as simple as that will introduce massive differences. There will no longer be stupid 10 year plans, projects will be completed quicker, goals will be achievable and there will not be as much slack behaviour from politicians. It is so bastard simple yet people just turn to the extreme parties and expect to see a change. Yes, they will get a change all right, just one that sets us back 20 years. Well done.
Despite this the UK needs revitalising. It needs a brighter future. We need to focus on development of education and create a new breed of thinkers. In the 17th century onwards we generated some of the greatest thinkers since ancient Greece. We need to re-create this, we need to develop a highly efficient and strong education system. Everything else stems from education. This is not seen in our current society. Focus goes to the economy and on unemployment and inflation etc. If we have thinkers, we innovate, we develop and change. We adapt to society and reduce disillusionment as we become society. We become the economy. The world rotates around us and this is what our focus should be on. New thinking creates new approaches, which keeps us ahead of the game
So we come back to the beginning. It seems that once you ‘grow up’ so to speak, you accept defeat. Thus allowing defeatism and inevitability become an instant part of your life. You lose your anger with the world, you forget your past hates and the things that once made your skin boil and keep you awake at night. You become complacent, and contempt despite the madness around you. You keep your head, you keep yourself, you accept the world and everyone in it as they are, and you accept that you alone cannot change a thing. It is refreshing to see that not everyone in the world has given up on making a difference. There again it depends if you are in the situation to make a difference. Some still chase their young ambitions, it is refreshing to se as we all should...We should not forget the thoughts and ambitions we once had purely because we thought (and knew) we couldnt achieve them. These are the thoughts that matter. I suppose a little part of me will always try to change and revolutionise…but it secretly knows that there is no point. I know such things should be left to those wanting to forward their careers (and sell more albums).
Growing up is all about accepting society and in a sense, the futility of everything. Knowing that you will be nothing but a small cog in a vast machine that hasn’t been well maintained. Surely the meaning of life is that there isn’t one? Or if there is then it must be simply “accept futility”. I’m sure if you’ve been reading this then you have lost me by now….long before now in fact. To be frank I’ve lost myself.
Despite being 19, I feel like im knocking on the door of 40 and awaiting a mid-life crisis. Maybe because all I see everyday is stupidity and I cannot truly see the point to doing many things in life. People are always pressuring us to earn money, drive fast cars, own big homes and consume consume consume. What really is the point? If you decide to stop and only obtain what you need in life, everyone scrutinizes you. They look upon on you as if you are conjuring up a dastardly plan for world domination or that you are plotting their downfall.
Around 3 years ago I had some pretty strong views. God knows what happened but I am not the same person I used to be by a long way. I used to be consistently angry with the world and want to change things, all I do now is except things as they are and think “let it be”. For 3 years to breed such contempt for everything I once despaired over destroys me inside, it really does.
I can’t stand my own generation. One full of image conscious, media blinded fools who follow ‘fashionable’ politics. They rave about helping the poor, feeding Africa and solving social deprivation with 'cool' communist ideologies. Yet all they seem to do is purchase an I-pod, put on some Converse, stage a music festival and wear Che Guevara T-shirts. To see these so called ‘communists’ flaunting such wealth makes me sigh at the hypocrisy. A generation in which ‘fun’ is defined as getting drunk, where ‘drunk’ is classified as ‘comatose’. A generation which declares it suffers from the ‘stresses’ of a modern world, using it as an excuse to act like twats or take hardline drugs.
On that point, why do people do things to fit in with everyone else? It is pathetic to see people smoking weed or whatever only when someone else offers it. I honestly do not get the whole drug culture, and how its seen as being cool and fashionable. I truly hate it when people try to impress others with their drug taking history. Who gives a fuck? Whats that? You've done crack? Oh woop dee doo, let me cosult my 'Do I Give A Shit-ometer', it flashing up on "Fuck off" it seems. If you need a drug to get your kicks or fit in better, then frankly thats a bit bastard shit for you, you insecure bastards. There again, each to their own.
I despise those older than me for their constant put downs to the generations below. A usual rant every summer when exam scores are released is...
“Exams are getting too easy nowadays, now in my day when we had the O level…now they were a challenge”
Why do they see such high pass rates? Maybe because they created a society where anyone who doesn’t get good enough grades to get into higher education disappears into borderline poverty. They raised the stakes and they can’t stand to see that the generation below them has risen to the challenge and upped the bar. They give no gratitude, no encouragement, nothing. Then wonder why the so called ‘youth of today’ have ‘gone off the rails’. They once were given respect, they gave us none back. Respect must be nurtured; it doesn’t maintain itself, like a plant, it will wilt over the course of time. The rot started here, the contempt started here, it all starts here. What we are burdened with now spreads its roots here, with a generation which settles disputes on chat shows and in courtrooms.
We’re a society that’s quite rare, it is one that’s never experienced a war, and from what I can see, this is a bad thing. As horrible as that is to hear, it’s true. No one wants to work together with each other, everyone’s against one another. There is no pride in this nation and no desire to keep it strong and secure. Many blame it on, foreign nationals or those of different religion and culture. This however is just a scapegoat, just like in Nazi Germany in the 1930’s where Jews were used as a tool to place the blame. However, as was the case then, the real issue lies within the state itself. It is to blame for its lack of pride in itself. Not decent upstanding foreigners who come over here to slog their arses off to do jobs the average Englishman can no longer be arsed to do, as he’d rather take the social benefits instead of some real work. We do not focus on the majority who come over here to make something of theselves. Instead we focus on the minority who do not adapt to our society and yes, I admit, these people must be dealt with to prevent re-occurence. The reason this country has gone to shit however, is a lack of people wanting to work, to pull their fingers out of their arses and stop blaming everyone else. The lack of responsibility is frankly appalling.
(If you've got this far then bugger me, you're doing well).
The younger section of society blames everything on capitalism. It is supposedly ‘cool’ to blame such a system. There are people everywhere shouting and screaming about communism and socialism. Like it’d make any difference whatsoever? No system works in a society. We’re all too obnoxious to do anything to help ourselves. The human race is a curse unto itself it seems.
While im at it, I must say the one thing that really irritates me is religion. The human races one great flaw, religion, the unwavering need to believe in something ‘unworldly’…and why? For ‘comfort and sanctity’ from the world it seems according to those who I ask. So we believe in things we cannot prove or grasp and understand in order to provide comfort? Such things only provide comfort to those who are contempt with not challenging anything in life. How can there be a religion in a world full of hate and despair? What sort of sick, sadist of a god gets a kick out of rape, murder, genocide, infanticide and natural disaster? Is god Fred West? I bastard hope not. No a god of mine could ever exist in a world like this. I can’t help but feel that everyone in this world should believe in themselves, and each other, not in false teachings, supposedly holy books, artefacts and gods. If we just believed in ourselves and those around us, maybe just maybe, we would become a decent race that progresses. Maybe this accounts for another reason for why I am feeling the way I am, why I feel empty and that I’m missing something, because I refuse to believe in anything other than myself? Or is it because I cannot find anyone out there to believe in me? Who knows?
Religion is simply a tool, propaganda if you must, to rally once separated peoples under one banner, to unite them against a common enemy. Emperor Constantine of the Roman Empire, a man celebrated much by Christians. He brought Christianity to the Roman Empire, and why? The empire had an increasing number of Christians within it and some Romans worshipping traditional Roman gods. It was too difficult to divide his people on the grounds of him vs. his enemy…however he could easily divide them by religion, and he could gain a stronger support but converting his empire to Christianity. God is a weapon. Why does the bible keep changing and evolving? Supposedly to reflect the state of society, how can a religious document do this? Religion is always used as a weapon by those in seemingly untenable positions. Religion causes regression. It has never been any other way.
The Media is another aspect of our society which further aids regression. It fuels the fire of discontent at the back of fragile and somewhat dim-witted minds with their propaganda. The phrasing of stories to portray their views no matter what the occasion would delight any soothsayer.
I’ve witnessed those close to me slowly get caught and manipulated by media writing especially from newspapers to believe twisted versions of the truth. I suppose this transition has been one of the big causes of my disillusionment with society as a whole. These causes range from political to that of musical and social disillusionment. Nothing applies to me any more. Nothing is specific to me. New music, new trends, new phases, new movements, new cultures, new ideologies (or re-branded ones it seems), none apply to me. I see myself turning further back in time for music, inspiration and influence. I see myself losing acquaintances at a faster rate than I acquire them. I find myself stuck in a rut, in a black hole that only devours me. I can’t bear the country I live in, the city of my birth, my fellow locals, any of it. All I see is a rise in local loyalties and extreme nationalism. What’s next? Feudalism? Will we go to war with the French? For old times sake at least? I find it all increasingly pathetic. The world moves on and this country and my home town just does not seem to move with it.
I come from Stoke-on-Trent, a city made up of towns, which for some ungodly reason have been linked together through the endless urban sprawl we get due to slack laws on green field developments. Stoke and its inhabitants like 50 years behind the rest of the UK. It thinks it should still be mining seams of coal and producing pottery despite the rest of the world doing all this at a much cheaper (and in some cases better) products. Stoke is full of backward thinking, illiterate, dull, dim-witted individuals with cave-man personas. When people ask where I come from, what the hell do I say? "Outside of Stoke", to say you're from it automatically associates it either Shit or Robbie Williams, and believe me they're pratically one of the same. Stokies in a nut shell spend far too long thinking about what it has been. They don't turn their attention to what it is becoming. A half way point in the UK, where haulage companies and supermarkets build distribution warehouses. Where the old industrial sector has an alarming growth in safe storage lock ups. Is this the future of stoke? If so, see you all later, Im off.
I used to love Stoke, I once had a great pride in it, that was until I actually looked at it in more detail, I looked behind the facades of shops, down alleyways, in the rougher areas. I looked at the queue outside the job centre. I sat down on a bench in the centre of the high street and watched. Bastard hell, I saw some shit that day. Still, I have a wierd love for the football team and I will never know why.
If we were to uncover the main reason behind everything that has caused me to be where I am now it would revolve around politics. A nation that has over a decade of one party rule, under the same head of state is not a democracy. Society changes rapidly, far outpacing governments and policy. How can a government justify a 4 to 5 year period of power without a change between these periods of governor or anything? It can never maintain such popularity over this period therefore. This creates a bigger number of people turning against the party. This just creates disillusionment. Once an election has been won, the defeated are demoralised. They effectively can do nothing until the next election. This applies not only to parties but also to the people. These people then drift aimlessly and try to exploit minor openings and claim petty victories.
All that needs to be done every election is to alternate between Labour and Conversative, even a change as simple as that will introduce massive differences. There will no longer be stupid 10 year plans, projects will be completed quicker, goals will be achievable and there will not be as much slack behaviour from politicians. It is so bastard simple yet people just turn to the extreme parties and expect to see a change. Yes, they will get a change all right, just one that sets us back 20 years. Well done.
Despite this the UK needs revitalising. It needs a brighter future. We need to focus on development of education and create a new breed of thinkers. In the 17th century onwards we generated some of the greatest thinkers since ancient Greece. We need to re-create this, we need to develop a highly efficient and strong education system. Everything else stems from education. This is not seen in our current society. Focus goes to the economy and on unemployment and inflation etc. If we have thinkers, we innovate, we develop and change. We adapt to society and reduce disillusionment as we become society. We become the economy. The world rotates around us and this is what our focus should be on. New thinking creates new approaches, which keeps us ahead of the game
So we come back to the beginning. It seems that once you ‘grow up’ so to speak, you accept defeat. Thus allowing defeatism and inevitability become an instant part of your life. You lose your anger with the world, you forget your past hates and the things that once made your skin boil and keep you awake at night. You become complacent, and contempt despite the madness around you. You keep your head, you keep yourself, you accept the world and everyone in it as they are, and you accept that you alone cannot change a thing. It is refreshing to see that not everyone in the world has given up on making a difference. There again it depends if you are in the situation to make a difference. Some still chase their young ambitions, it is refreshing to se as we all should...We should not forget the thoughts and ambitions we once had purely because we thought (and knew) we couldnt achieve them. These are the thoughts that matter. I suppose a little part of me will always try to change and revolutionise…but it secretly knows that there is no point. I know such things should be left to those wanting to forward their careers (and sell more albums).
Growing up is all about accepting society and in a sense, the futility of everything. Knowing that you will be nothing but a small cog in a vast machine that hasn’t been well maintained. Surely the meaning of life is that there isn’t one? Or if there is then it must be simply “accept futility”. I’m sure if you’ve been reading this then you have lost me by now….long before now in fact. To be frank I’ve lost myself.
Thursday 10 January 2008
A word of advice
When purchasing a new laptop/pc, and you'e looking at space and amount of Gig the computer has. Don't just look for the highest as this usually means one thing.
2 bastard hard drives. This means 2 bastard hard drives that must be defragmented separately. So far its been going for about...oooh 32 hours. Okay I admit this isnt the worst I've had considering this is a pretty good laptop, he old PC once took 3 days, there again it was shit. Im going to start it up again later it has many tasty treats such as well old files, old songs once made in the land of yore etc.
Bloody hell, im watching darts on good old BBC 2. Right before I say anything im not one to go mental over health and safety, political correctnes or racism or any shit like that. However I do notice when something could go wrong, is wrong or is just plain stupid and may offend some overly sensitive dipshit in a small corner of the world usually outside of Buckinghamshire.
But anyways, these dart players, playing for the money and glory of a world championship, they're swigging beer whilst playing some of them. Where is the health and safety in that? I like it, im infact loving it. What if one of them suddenly whips himself into a drunken rage and hurls darts into the crowd. Christ this is edge of the seat stuff.
2 bastard hard drives. This means 2 bastard hard drives that must be defragmented separately. So far its been going for about...oooh 32 hours. Okay I admit this isnt the worst I've had considering this is a pretty good laptop, he old PC once took 3 days, there again it was shit. Im going to start it up again later it has many tasty treats such as well old files, old songs once made in the land of yore etc.
Bloody hell, im watching darts on good old BBC 2. Right before I say anything im not one to go mental over health and safety, political correctnes or racism or any shit like that. However I do notice when something could go wrong, is wrong or is just plain stupid and may offend some overly sensitive dipshit in a small corner of the world usually outside of Buckinghamshire.
But anyways, these dart players, playing for the money and glory of a world championship, they're swigging beer whilst playing some of them. Where is the health and safety in that? I like it, im infact loving it. What if one of them suddenly whips himself into a drunken rage and hurls darts into the crowd. Christ this is edge of the seat stuff.
Wednesday 9 January 2008
Mirror, Signal, PUT THAT BASTARD CAMERA DOWN.
I love words me, I like it even more when people make up bullshitted ones. A friend of mine, upon talking about a cat, said the following:
"...thats double funny cuz cats casnt talk and chat is french for cat"
What the bloody hell is 'Casn't', I dont know but I'd love to find out. I hope all children have to learn and make up new words, that would be a real boost to the education system.
Also when inquring about the smell and sound of anothers fart, or a fart of ones own. The following word should be used "Smound", this collectively pools together the words smell and sound. Thus taking out all of the problems of having to say 2 or 3 words, now only 1 needs to be used. EFFICIENCY!
This might sound odd but I fancy the idea of shitting myself in public (whilst clad in shorts) just to see the reaction of the general public, now dont look at me that way. Just imagine the responses from people, some may come to help, others will point and the rest will run like fuck... those latter people, running like hell will be the ones I shall chase, with my legs covered in shit. Sounds like a plan.
I've recently gone through a massive song writing insurgence, not soppy or dark and deeply influential lyrics...but bullshit ones, my current finished piece is a heart warming tale about an astronaunt caught short on a spacewalk...and he goes on to talk to his space suit, and queries it on whether he can open his bowels in it. Space suit is all like "what the fu...oh go on then" kinda style. I'd write it up on here, but I bet the Kaiser Twunts lot would steal it. Plus I dont ever want to appear in NME, I fear my hair is just too shit, and not gayed up enough.
Also speaking of the NME crowd, how come people take photos with a camera, infront of a mirror? Why not just put the camera on a timer, stick in on a ledge and then pose infront of it until the picture is taken? No too easy I guess. I dont see the arty flair on photography with a mirror, I mean you are obscuring the shot with your shitty camera! I dont want to see your camera, if I did I'd message you, using only my mind and the odd ear movement saying "SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING CAMERA". So leave it out yeah, no one wants to see you posing with your electronics, you wouldn't find me doing it.
This is me, and my remote control, those with a keen eye will note the following:
- Munted face, with a million fillings, non-malgum might I add...ONLY FOR FINEST FOR MOI.
- Sellotape on remote whose "5" button no longer works, is this a blessing or a curse? 5 is shit now as there is no shit on it anymore, no piss poor adult films, no token nazi documentaries such as "Hitlers favourite dog" and "Hitlers love of Flower Arranging: Pine-al Solution", but I guess there is always late night Ice Hockey.
I had an interview today with a well known construction company, it went well apparently I pretty much have the job. FUN FUN FUN, it will just mean a life of endless travelling in construction. Like a gypsy builder. Except when I come to find residence, I dont tarmac over a field and stick up a wooden picket fence and wheel in a twin-axle caravan. Although I will do if you look at me like that once more.
I've also purchased a number of things off ebay and play.com...including what I thought to be 'mini' remote controlled airplane. It was cheap, I dont know how well it works but the video looked good and Im a sucker for gadgets and I want to spend some money on myself for a change. However this mini plane has a half meter plus wingspan. Hopefully I'll smash it up in the first 5 minutes. SUCH IS MY EXCESSIVE LIFESTYLE.
This is me with an electric shaver...yeah, not bad eh. Twats. For those of you interested...and I mean in all honestly...why the fuck would you not be interested in my electronics? That is a Phillips shaver, tri headed, with spongey style head which MOULDS around my BASTARD face. Shavemuch? Fucktanners.
Lately I've developed my hate of squirrels, the grey ones of course. Im really trying to evelop new ways of flinging stuff at them. I've hit them with elastic bands, im fired stones from catapults at them. There is a rifle somewhere but this is over kill I fear. I need something new, personally I feel like I need a crossbow. However they are not exactly the eaiest thing to make as I dont exactly have a mass of equiptment available to me. If anyone knows of a method of an easy crossbow then fire away...OH HO HO HO, fire away, crossbow...fire....cross...bow...wankers.
Oh for those who want some comedy during the daytime, then turn over to Bargain Hunt. Now sit back and watch as so called experts and people who think they know all about antiques manage to finish the show with -£100 pounds. Now the show calls this figure a "Profit of minus £100 pounds". You bastard what now? No wonder we're in a fucking credit crisis, people think debt is profit! Silly people, debt is not profit.
Oh a more sombering note, since when did Hillary Clinton suddenly develop wrinkles and become 60+ and shit? God damn.
Oh yeah and errr, this is me with a giant wooden lighthouse scultpure...I know...its not electronic, but Lighthousemuch? THIS IS FUCKING SHIT, IM ENDING THIS HERE.
Saturday 5 January 2008
I love the new year me
I found an old newspaper cutting in my wallet the other day...dont ask...I just kept it for the hell of it. It reads,
"Longton: Peter ******* (haha looks like his surnames Bollocks or yeah) aged 37, of Blackheath Close, Longton, is accused of stealing cream and a Thai fish cake from Tesco, in Longton, on August 17. He was given unconditional bail until September 12".
Accused of stealing cream and a Thai fish cake, you dont get more upper-class than that. I mean what a stupid combination. Why go out of your way to steal a Thai fish cake? Okay you're hungry, but surely you could just nab a scotch egg.
I saw an old woman today whilst shopping with the parents in Shrewsbury and she had on of those "just add water" faces, it was like a prune...GET HYDRATED WOMAN YOU ARE SHRIVELLED.
And Christmas is shit...or was shit, one of the two...Possibly both, can't we just mix Christmas and Easter and crucify santa and make the Elves carry a bastard cross?
Now that I've blasphemed like a bitch, I shall leave.
"Longton: Peter ******* (haha looks like his surnames Bollocks or yeah) aged 37, of Blackheath Close, Longton, is accused of stealing cream and a Thai fish cake from Tesco, in Longton, on August 17. He was given unconditional bail until September 12".
Accused of stealing cream and a Thai fish cake, you dont get more upper-class than that. I mean what a stupid combination. Why go out of your way to steal a Thai fish cake? Okay you're hungry, but surely you could just nab a scotch egg.
I saw an old woman today whilst shopping with the parents in Shrewsbury and she had on of those "just add water" faces, it was like a prune...GET HYDRATED WOMAN YOU ARE SHRIVELLED.
And Christmas is shit...or was shit, one of the two...Possibly both, can't we just mix Christmas and Easter and crucify santa and make the Elves carry a bastard cross?
Now that I've blasphemed like a bitch, I shall leave.
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