God only knows

And im not even religious.

Since I last wrote I have managed to produce a Jam Roly Poly that was akin to that of a block of lard. The recipe said to use greaseproof paper, first time round I just buttered some foil and it worked brilliantly, made a really good roly poly. This time I buy some greaseproof and it turned my entire cake to grease. Bit bizarre as the majority of the paper had become grease.

In addition, when making my second Chocolate Fudge Cake, this time following the recipe despite my first make-shift effort being rather good, has somehow got a bizarre taste on the sauce/fudge. From now on I say bollocks to recipes I'll do it my own way.

Other wise this week has mainly gone by rather quickly, with me getting increasingly frustrated throughout. What with a girlfriend who lives a billion miles the other way, and everything else just getting on my tits. The people on my course just seem to be getting thicker and thicker constantly. This week they were all going mental about some fire safety calculations and having a go at the lecturer as they couldnt keep up/do rounding or percentages. Some great quotes being...

"What?! Why the fuck are we multiplying by 100? What the fucks goin' on"...."It must be something to do with the length of the wall I guess".

All I can say to the people reading this is, don't let anyone who's been to Hallam and not got over a 2:1 touch your house. For the love of god, just tell them to fuck off. They'll be the death of you.

In addition to this, and to my ever growing list of mad lecturers, the latest one looks like Mugabe. This is all I bastard need, and I can't understand a thing he says and during lecturers me sways in and out when on the microphone so all you here is...

"heLLO my name is MUGABE" Which can be very tedious as he teaches some shit about services in buildings.

Ahhh well, I can see this being a year where Bob Dylan music is going to have to pull me through it. On the plus side I got offered a job by Balfour Beatty Rail, which is a bit good but it could mean tha tnext year I could be all over the shot and travelling everywhere.

I also had a comical phone interview with Carillion, I was semi-pissed and my notes were all ready and done, I'd read them through and I was feeling confident. However when it came to it, I was infatuated by the sexy ladys voice and I couldnt string a sentence together. A massive difference to the Balfour phone interview which was really good.

In a nutshell I said I knew nothing about the company, I hated group working with other people who are crap at what they do. That when working part time in the local pub, that a majority of the staff are completely useless. I came across as a babbling nutter who hates people. Slightly accurate in hindsight but not great in an interview. However in construction nothing surprises me, and sure enough 2 hours later I get an email saying that I've passed the first stage and Im through to the face to face interviews. Such low standards. I wouldnt have hired myself on that performance, why the feck should they?

Nutters. Nutters everywhere.

Also I can't wait for someone to boycott EGG and their shitty EGG credit cards. Its an utter joke that they can cancel the credit cards with 35 days notice to customers it "no longer wishes to lend money to". Despite these people paying their credit off as soon as they can and having excellent credit ratings. Yet Egg somehow keep the cards registered to people with poor credit ratings, maxed out cards and ever increasing debts. Profit maximising bastards. Even I say it as being wrong and Im a capitalist to be frank, im not going to sit here and talk about saving the world or being a communist like most other pathetic socialist students. Who are all talk and no action.Lets face it, at the end of the day most students are money driven and have lots of lovely ipods etc, so the concept of them being all sharing, all giving whores of society makes me laugh.

But yeah, heres to EGG going bankrupt. Cheers.

The Human Mind

Something that interests me has to be the way people think. Rational thinking is seen rarely in this world. However surely a rational thought would vary from person to person?

I live in a student flat with 5 others not including myself, so 1 girl, and 4 guys. The other day we were all celebrating Christmas and the joys of finishing all our work. One of the said housemates went a bit happy on the old merry juice, and what is quite common with shite alcohol, is that you usually see it twice in one evening. So later on the toilets engaged and he is, undoubtedly, positioned head first into the toilet. Funny thing with the flat however is that we no longer put toilet rolls in the toilet. This is due to the ungodly usage of them, we once put a roll within the toilet, which was then used within one trip by someone who shall not be named. Richard. Anyhow, there is no toilet roll and our housemate is barfing for Britain. So what will he do when he discovers there is no toilet roll? Considering that there is no toilet roll. Well here are the options.

• Shout for someone to throw a toilet roll in (not taking into account the factor which is pride).
• Use the shower to wash oneself.
• Pull up trousers and quickly move onto the next toilet...like a nomad of toilets.
• Use the reading material on hand as a makeshift wiper.

Now the second is a pretty reasonable and rationale choice. However our flatmate opted for the latter. He wiped his faculties with a 'Viz' magazine. For those of you who don't know what Viz is then look it up, but briefly its an adult humour cartoon magazine. It's okay but it is also a bit pissy in places. To make matters even worse for our flatmate, he also used the laminated back cover of the magazine.

DOES LAMINATED PAPER OFFER GOOD WIPEABILITY? I think not personally, but thats my opinion.

Also, hats off to the lad, he tried to flush it as well, can't say it worked, but it offered a good target for me to piss on.