Mirror, Signal, PUT THAT BASTARD CAMERA DOWN.

I love words me, I like it even more when people make up bullshitted ones. A friend of mine, upon talking about a cat, said the following:

"...thats double funny cuz cats casnt talk and chat is french for cat"

What the bloody hell is 'Casn't', I dont know but I'd love to find out. I hope all children have to learn and make up new words, that would be a real boost to the education system.

Also when inquring about the smell and sound of anothers fart, or a fart of ones own. The following word should be used "Smound", this collectively pools together the words smell and sound. Thus taking out all of the problems of having to say 2 or 3 words, now only 1 needs to be used. EFFICIENCY!

This might sound odd but I fancy the idea of shitting myself in public (whilst clad in shorts) just to see the reaction of the general public, now dont look at me that way. Just imagine the responses from people, some may come to help, others will point and the rest will run like fuck... those latter people, running like hell will be the ones I shall chase, with my legs covered in shit. Sounds like a plan.

I've recently gone through a massive song writing insurgence, not soppy or dark and deeply influential lyrics...but bullshit ones, my current finished piece is a heart warming tale about an astronaunt caught short on a spacewalk...and he goes on to talk to his space suit, and queries it on whether he can open his bowels in it. Space suit is all like "what the fu...oh go on then" kinda style. I'd write it up on here, but I bet the Kaiser Twunts lot would steal it. Plus I dont ever want to appear in NME, I fear my hair is just too shit, and not gayed up enough.

Also speaking of the NME crowd, how come people take photos with a camera, infront of a mirror? Why not just put the camera on a timer, stick in on a ledge and then pose infront of it until the picture is taken? No too easy I guess. I dont see the arty flair on photography with a mirror, I mean you are obscuring the shot with your shitty camera! I dont want to see your camera, if I did I'd message you, using only my mind and the odd ear movement saying "SHOW ME YOUR FUCKING CAMERA". So leave it out yeah, no one wants to see you posing with your electronics, you wouldn't find me doing it.

This is me, and my remote control, those with a keen eye will note the following:

• Munted face, with a million fillings, non-malgum might I add...ONLY FOR FINEST FOR MOI.


• Sellotape on remote whose "5" button no longer works, is this a blessing or a curse? 5 is shit now as there is no shit on it anymore, no piss poor adult films, no token nazi documentaries such as "Hitlers favourite dog" and "Hitlers love of Flower Arranging: Pine-al Solution", but I guess there is always late night Ice Hockey.

I had an interview today with a well known construction company, it went well apparently I pretty much have the job. FUN FUN FUN, it will just mean a life of endless travelling in construction. Like a gypsy builder. Except when I come to find residence, I dont tarmac over a field and stick up a wooden picket fence and wheel in a twin-axle caravan. Although I will do if you look at me like that once more.

I've also purchased a number of things off ebay and play.com...including what I thought to be 'mini' remote controlled airplane. It was cheap, I dont know how well it works but the video looked good and Im a sucker for gadgets and I want to spend some money on myself for a change. However this mini plane has a half meter plus wingspan. Hopefully I'll smash it up in the first 5 minutes. SUCH IS MY EXCESSIVE LIFESTYLE.

This is me with an electric shaver...yeah, not bad eh. Twats. For those of you interested...and I mean in all honestly...why the fuck would you not be interested in my electronics? That is a Phillips shaver, tri headed, with spongey style head which MOULDS around my BASTARD face. Shavemuch? Fucktanners.

Lately I've developed my hate of squirrels, the grey ones of course. Im really trying to evelop new ways of flinging stuff at them. I've hit them with elastic bands, im fired stones from catapults at them. There is a rifle somewhere but this is over kill I fear. I need something new, personally I feel like I need a crossbow. However they are not exactly the eaiest thing to make as I dont exactly have a mass of equiptment available to me. If anyone knows of a method of an easy crossbow then fire away...OH HO HO HO, fire away, crossbow...fire....cross...bow...wankers.

Oh for those who want some comedy during the daytime, then turn over to Bargain Hunt. Now sit back and watch as so called experts and people who think they know all about antiques manage to finish the show with -£100 pounds. Now the show calls this figure a "Profit of minus £100 pounds". You bastard what now? No wonder we're in a fucking credit crisis, people think debt is profit! Silly people, debt is not profit.

Oh a more sombering note, since when did Hillary Clinton suddenly develop wrinkles and become 60+ and shit? God damn.

Oh yeah and errr, this is me with a giant wooden lighthouse scultpure...I know...its not electronic, but Lighthousemuch? THIS IS FUCKING SHIT, IM ENDING THIS HERE.